BRIGITTE.de reader Sandra * (47) is bisexual – and has to listen to a lot.
The Duden says about bisexuality: “Sexual feelings and behavior directed towards one’s own sex as well as towards the opposite sex; Homosexual and heterosexual inclinations side by side. “
Sounds very neutral and unexcited at first, but how neutral does my counterpart really react, and how much excitement is involved when I mention that I am bisexual?
Probably most of them don’t really care who I love, but whether at all, that’s a topic. Simple answer: I have a friend. Then there may be the question of whether you live together, whether you are planning a marriage or, depending on your age, have or want to have children. Topic done.
Bisexuality is still exotic to some
However, if I mention an ex-girlfriend in a conversation or report an experience from the CSD (Christopher Street Day) or LFT (lesbian spring meeting), then one or the other eyebrow goes up a bit. Sure, despite all the education and acceptance of life models, bisexuality may still be a bit unusual or exotic for one or the other.
If you then ask, you get an honest answer: I am bisexual and have already had relationships with women and men. I am there – yes, what actually – flexible? “I fall in love with people, gender is irrelevant ” is actually a good “explanation” that gets to the point, but it doesn’t always work.
Critically eyed from all sides
At the CSD, where I absolutely belong, people shrug briefly when I mention my friend – even if the B for “bisexual” was part of the LGB (TQIA *) movement from the start.
I’m not accepted in the lesbian scene because I’m not a lesbian. Okay, while I’m in a relationship with a woman, I “may” be there, but what else? “No, this is about lesbians, not ‘hybrid beings’”, I was once told at a scene event.
Bisexuality is often reduced to sex
Straight men often associate bi women with threesome sex scenes, and at this point neutral conversation is often no longer possible. Clear offers followed with reference to the wife / girlfriend and their “open-mindedness”.
Straight women think, I sometimes think, of sex for a moment and some of them move away a bit and maybe ask themselves whether I will follow them to the toilet in a moment. People like to say: “My last boyfriend / husband was such an ass that I’ve already thought about switching to women.” As if it were a matter of decision.
I don’t even know how often I have answered swinger club questions because the matter is then somehow reduced to the subject of sex. In “real life” you should decide: What is that supposed to mean, bisexual? Either … or! Not always in the way that suits you! Please choose a drawer now!
I won’t make up my mind – I also can’t, that’s the crux of the matter. I choose for or against that woman over there or that man up there and just hope it’s mutual.
Of course, the scenarios described do not always apply everywhere, as the topic is often not even discussed, my counterpart knows about it anyway or he or she simply doesn’t care. But experience shows that bisexuality also causes irritated reactions.
More choices? Finding a partner is complicated
Finding someone if you are looking is another topic. If the object of desire is a man, the probability is statistically quite high that he is into women. If a woman thinks the woman over there is great, things get more complicated. Does she into women and, if the gaydar clearly turns out to be wrong, what about bi women?
But this is a barrel that requires separate consideration if you want to open it. I don’t, because I’m not looking. I’m happy with a man who doesn’t keep wondering if I might run away with the woman on the next corner. We chose each other as we are, with all our strengths and weaknesses. And if one of us is missing something, we have to clarify it among ourselves. Bi back and forth. In a relationship, the other can never always give us everything that we theoretically would like to have and some “renunciation” is ultimately not at all if you try to make the other person as happy as possible.
* Name is known to the editors. Our author (47) is a commercial clerk in the Ruhr area and in her free time she deals with books, music, the BRIGITTE forum, her colorful circle of friends and volunteers in the AIDS service.