Co-dependency in the relationship
These 10 signs show you an addiction to love
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Relationship codependency is widespread. Here you can find out what exactly it is, what it triggers and how it can be released from it.
What is codependency?
The term codependency describes a dependency on a person, usually a loved one. Over time, two types of codependencies have evolved: The Co-dependency in the relationship and the Codependency in addictions. We would like to explain both forms to you:
Co-dependency in the relationship
If the relationship is codependent, is a person addicted to love and affirmation. The person cannot live without his: n partner: in and does not want to lose him or her under any circumstances. Codependent people in a relationship deal almost exclusively with the The other person’s thoughts and actions and try to control and manipulate them for your own benefit. The connection to one’s own feelings is completely lost. It’s all about pleasing the person and sacrificing yourself for them. This imbalance causes them to put their own lives on the back burner. This behavior is mainly caused by a lack of self-esteem.
Codependency in addictions
Contrary to all expectations, it is not the addict who becomes codependent, but another, close person. These Codependent support a person’s addiction, for example, hand out money for alcohol, buy it for those affected or report the person sick at work. Most of the time, they unconsciously slip into the role of codependent and initially only mean it well. At the same time, they downplay the problem and protect the person. But with this behavior they encourage dependency. After a while everything revolves around the sick person, one’s own needs are neglected and addiction is the focus of life. In most cases, such co-dependencies can only be resolved if the person admits that he or she cannot help the sick person.
Other examples of codependency in addictions:
- Parents take out loans to pay the debts of their gambling addict children
- Partners: make up lies to excuse the absence of an alcoholic from work
- Children of parents who are addicted to tablets take over the housekeeping and care of siblings
- BRIGITTE reader Julia reported on the co-dependency of her drug addict partner: Co-dependency: How I managed to leave my addicted partner
How does codependency arise in the relationship?
Codependency in the relationship can have many causes. You may have codependents not learned to love yourself. Perhaps at a young age they had the experience to be loved only when they give their all. Or have Experiencing rejection after following their own needs. Situations from childhood or the first relationships in adolescence and boy-adulthood can shape our emotional patterns.
When does codependence become dangerous in a relationship?
There is a danger when partners of codependents take advantage of this bondage. This can be the case with narcissistic and violent personalities or people with borderline illness. Abusive relationships in which the dependent person does not find the strength to break free from this love addiction often suffer psychosomatic complaints such as headaches, palpitations and panic attacks – up to and including depression.
Am I co-dependent?
A low level of codependency in the relationship is normal because no one wants to be abandoned by a loved one. Especially not when there is an intimate bond.
The following questions can help you find out if you have an unhealthy codependency:
- Are your thoughts almost exclusively with your partner or your partner: in?
- Do you take on tasks that the other person should be doing?
- Does criticism of yourself affect you deeply?
- Do you not have any social contacts outside of your partnership?
- Are you very afraid of a breakup?
- Can’t you imagine life without the other person?
- Do you get praise from others for your great love and devotion?
- Do you mistrust him or her?
- Do you sometimes wish he or she could just go away?
- Do you feel trapped in the partnership?
These questions do not follow a scientific test. However, if you answered “yes” to more than four to five questions, you should carefully examine your relationship. It may be unbalanced and developing in the direction of codependency. If this result comes as a surprise to you or if you are unsure about your situation, ask friends who know you both if they recognize problems. They can look at vibrations in your relationship more objectively than you can.
This is how you can break free from co-dependency in the relationship
You are not only lovable when you withdraw yourself completely. You are a lovable person who should be loved uncompromisingly. You too can experience the great happiness of love, which is not tied to any restrictive condition. You should be able to be yourself in a partnership, with all of your avoidable mistakes, talents and personality traits. Don’t pretend You don’t have to save anyone to feel needed either. Do not allow yourself to be taken advantage of, do not tolerate assault and do not pretend to be in a relationship.
We have a 4-step plan to help you break out of codependency:
- Understanding: Do you realize that you are co-dependent? The first and biggest step has already been taken. Be proud of yourself. Realizing that something is wrong is the path to healing. It also takes a lot of courage to admit to being addicted. Addicted to a relationship.
- Exchange: Seek support from friends, family, or doctors. A support group can also be helpful to you. Find someone to talk to. In this way you free yourself from the role of victim and make yourself strong for yourself.
- Rethink behavior patterns: Observe yourself in everyday life. What are you doing for your significant other, what are you doing for yourself? Gradually become your top priority. Conquer your self-confidence, your self-esteem and your zest for life. In this phase you can also think about a possible breakup. Especially when your willingness to make sacrifices has been taken advantage of.
- Work-up: If you have been able to end the dependent relationship or break away from it, the last and most important step follows: coming to terms with it. Why did you become codependent? What is it based on? A relationship addiction can be examined in therapy. This path will not be easy, but you will learn a lot about yourself, your behaviors and where they come from.
Help with co-dependency with violence
If the partner takes advantage of your co-dependency and the relationship becomes physically, emotionally and psychologically violent, you should definitely seek help for your own protection and never cover up acts of violence. Injury is not a form of love and is particularly dangerous in codependency. Confide in those around you or relatives, preferably a friend, and ask him or her for help. If you tell them about your situation, they will understand the seriousness of the addiction and support you in overcoming this toxic love. Don’t be afraid of feeling guilty or betraying your partner. The responsibility for acting violently is not yours. If you find yourself in such a situation, we wish you a lot of strength. You manage to break away.
You might also be interested in these topics: Symbiotic Relationships, Soul Love and Unconditional Love
Sources used: bzga.de, relationship center.de