Collien Ulmen-Fernandes: That's why boys should play with dolls too

Boys play with cars, girls with dolls – so far, so clichéd. Presenter and actress Collien Ulmen-Fernandes (38) has been fighting passionately against common role stereotypes for years and has already written two children's books on this subject. On the sidelines of a photo shoot with the toy company Mattel, the mother of a daughter talks about her commitment. A recent study by the Barbie manufacturer has shown that playing with dolls has positive effects for both girls and boys. The puppet show has been shown to promote the learning of empathy.

Ms. Ulmen-Fernandes, did you actually play a lot with dolls yourself in the past?

Collien Ulmen-Fernandes: Yes, totally. In doing so, I slipped into the most varied of roles and accordingly put myself in the shoes of the dolls – the mom who scolded her daughter, as well as the daughter whose feelings were hurt.

Would you also describe yourself as someone who can empathize with others?

Ulmen-Fernandes: I have a very strong sense of justice and a helper syndrome. I don't like people suffering. For example, when I was at school I always made friends with outsiders. If there were people who nobody wanted to play with, I made an appointment with them. My friend's book consisted of the "Who's Who" of outsiders and nerds. (laughs)

You have a daughter yourself. How important is it to you that your child learns empathy at an early age?

Ulmen-Fernandes: The ability to empathize is damn important for everything that comes your way in the future. All life consists of social interactions: friendships, partnerships, teamwork in professional life. It is my goal to prepare my daughter for the future as well as possible and to give her skills that will help her in her school, emotional and social life. And empathy is definitely part of that for me. A better understanding of other people and their emotions helps us to resolve conflicts and solve problems. That's why I think it's very important that children learn empathy at an early age. All the better if it works in a playful way!

You also deal intensively with gender issues and role stereotypes in raising children. If you had a son – he was "allowed" to play with dolls too?

Ulmen-Fernandes: Definitely! Boys should play with dolls too. Unfortunately, this area is often neglected, especially with boys. If at some point we want to live in a world of equality, it is essential to strengthen the boys' social and emotional skills. In this area they often have deficits because unfortunately there is still the widespread opinion that puppetry is not for boys. A man recently told me that he always played secretly with his Barbies because he did not dare to play openly with this "girl's toy". In general, I think we should remove the imaginary gender stamps from toys.

And the other way around: Does your daughter also play with "typical" toys for boys?

Ulmen-Fernandes: My daughter has dolls and unicorns, but also robots and cars.

This question shows that these clichés are still very much present. Why do you think that is the case?

Ulmen-Fernandes: Everything was mixed up in my childhood toy store. There were dolls lying there next to robots and cars, so I reached for all of that and had all of that at home. There are now boys 'and girls' departments. In the girls 'department you can see large shelves with the inscription: "Cooking and cleaning", while in the boys' section you can find "Electronic learning". If you only ever see girls in the children's kitchen in the toy catalogs, you shouldn't be surprised that the gender images of the following generations are becoming more conservative again.

What changes have you been able to bring about through your commitment?

Ulmen-Fernandes: In my program "No more Boys and Girls" we asked children to paint a person who controls an airplane. Most of the children painted a man. Then the door opened and a female pilot came in. The children were totally amazed and said sentences like: "We didn't even know that women could fly airplanes too." For us adults this is amazing, but how should children know if they have never seen a female pilot? Visibility is important. When you look at children's books, films and series, you get the feeling that there is exactly one career option for girls: princess. That's it! So I gave my daughter the pilot and astronaut Barbie as a present. Maybe one day it will fly into space.

Why are you so committed to countering gender clichés and role models?

Ulmen-Fernandes: This gender approach disadvantages children. There is a very exciting study on this subject. It was conducted in a kindergarten with an area for girls, with dolls, and an area for boys, with building blocks. As part of this study, all toys were put together in a gender-neutral area, as a result of which the boys also used dolls and the girls took building blocks, which ensured that the boys 'socio-emotional skills and the girls' spatial thinking improved. It is important that all children have a variety of toys. Unfortunately, gender thinking often stands in the way.

Which role clichés do you particularly bother?

Ulmen-Fernandes: Many women often hear: "Oh, it's nice that your husband helps you with the household and with the children." This formulation already shows that all of this is seen as a woman's job and if the man is super kind and friendly, then he helps her. But he doesn't help her. Because all of that is his job. But many men don't feel responsible because they haven't learned it, which is why it's so important that boys play with dolls too. Caring, empathy skills, all of this is instilled in girls from an early age, they are raised to love, caring doll mothers, while many believe that prosocial behavior, i.e. "taking care", is not so important for boys. We also strengthen our boys when we teach them to be helpful and careful.

Do you always agree with your husband Christian Ulmen on questions of upbringing?

Ulmen-Fernandes: No, absolutely not. (laughs) But I can use my documentation to subtly reeducate him. For example, he tends to be the helicopter father, so I have the documentary "Generation Helicopter Parents?" turned. Of course he had to look at them and when I asked him afterwards whether he recognized himself with one or the other topic, he had to admit meekly "Yes, yes – even with a large part!" In this respect, this documentation also helped me a lot privately.