Self-confidence
Why we shouldn’t always explain everything
© Getty Images
Justifying decisions takes time and appears insecure. That’s why we should make a point more often, thinks our author.
by Viola Kaiser
That is correct about the point. In fact, it can also be an exclamation point. Yes, an exclamation point is even better! Women very often have a problem: They justify themselves for things that are absolutely okay. That is exhausting and, above all, unnecessary. It is not difficult to turn this automatism off.
Excessive clarification never brings anything. At most it’s annoying.
“I can’t on Saturday because Christian is not there to take care of the children. We had actually planned it differently, but now it doesn’t work because Thomas urgently needs Christian for the move, Martina has to work,” my friend explained Daniela recently made an issue. But clarification never brings anything. At most it’s annoying. Let’s put it like this: “I can’t on Saturday” and then one point would have been enough. Everyone understands. If it’s not an emergency, at least. And that’s not what it was about in this case, just a trip to the cinema together. Of course, Daniela’s excessive need to explain to me was perfectly fine, in the office or at parents’ evening it might have sent the wrong message. One that Daniela as an easy victim, as an insecure candidate, as the one you better ask again (until she says yes) whether she can bake four cakes and also mow the lawn …
It just takes time – and looks unsafe
Daniela isn’t even a person who talks a lot, she’s just a good example for people (about 99 percent of whom are women) who tend to have to explain what they are doing – or rather not doing. Because that never brings anything. It just takes time and doesn’t seem self-confident. “I don’t have the capacity for the four additional tasks in the office” can be left as it is. Without any additions. I have seldom received less opposition than the one time when I was asked if I would like to become a parent representative and answered out loud “I definitely won’t do that!”. I must have given it of myself with such fervent conviction that everyone looked at me puzzled for a moment and then pestered others with this tiresome subject.
This is what confidence sounds like!
How did I do it? I knew I didn’t have to explain because I was in a different position. I knew it was perfectly okay to say that and I was absolutely convinced of what I was saying. I was one hundred percent sure. And even if something was not okay, justifying yourself or spending hours making awkward explanations wouldn’t help either. The facts remain the same.
People think what they want to think anyway, something that can only be changed to a very limited extent. It can also be really liberating to just say “I don’t want that”. Forceful and determined. This is what confidence sounds like. This is not a criminal offense, it is completely legitimate.
Additives are absolutely superfluous – not only for cigarettes
So what to do if you are one of the justifiers and explainers? Practice. Practice. Practice! It’s easy to lovingly remind yourself in difficult situations that all of this is wasted time. Some things are like ready-made meals and cigarettes: additives are absolutely superfluous.