For many, the past years of crisis have shifted things: certainties, priorities, routines, but also how exhausted we feel – and how we can find new strength.
There used to be fixed time-outs and vacations, today everything is mixed up. We are more networked than ever – but also more strenuous than ever. BRIGITTE editor Daniela Stohn went in search of regeneration.
So I open my laptop in the morning – and preferably close it again right away. Shit, another new appointment in my calendar, exactly in the hour I actually wanted to keep free. I breathe shallow and hectic. Actually nothing is going on, I try to calm down. Another meeting. I just don’t want that anymore: one appointment after another and stress because everything is too much.
My attitude towards life right now? Strangely ambivalent. Still happy to be able to be with many people, to party, to go to concerts. And at the same time a stronger longing for alone time than before. Frustration at not being able to balance appointments and expectations because the live life is back with full force, which I’ve missed for so long and which is now sometimes too much for me. On the one hand, I love working from home and seeing my kids more. On the other hand, it annoys me that the work never ends. At team meetings, I stare absently at the screen. Just the thought of having to meet people online again drains me. It’s called “Screen Boreout”, I’m the worst affected. It’s just that the others don’t want to see me in person as often anymore because online meetings are more practical. I feel more vulnerable, less resilient than before.
We yearn for something better
I was always proud of getting a lot done. I’m never sick, deliver texts on time, teach yoga classes even with a stiff neck on the verge of immobility. But what makes me stop and think: an acquaintance who had to go to the clinic because of burnout. A friend with panic attacks. A friend and her teenage son, both on antidepressants.
The past three years have shifted things for many of us. During the pandemic, we really felt what we needed and what we didn’t. We have separated from people who are not good for us, have schooled children at home and are still catching up with them on what we have missed. We endure uncertainties and financial fears, forced, Putin’s threat like the climate crisis. And the hybrid work that further dissolves the boundaries between leisure and work; the digital, which increasingly determines our lives; artificial intelligence that threatens many jobs.
I am sure that values have shifted. You can see it in the fact that more people are questioning whether working to the point of exhaustion is worthwhile, that they are quitting jobs that make no sense, doing jobs in warmer places or reducing their working hours. I observe doubts. A refusal to “keep it up”. A longing for better, not more. The state of emergency is over. But it’s not like before either. And all of that changes how we recover, what we need to balance.
Burnout as a collective phenomenon
A clear alarm signal that our mental health is not doing well: The number of days absent due to mental illness is higher than ever. According to Techniker Krankenkasse, in 2021 most sick days were due to mental disorders – an increase of 50 percent within eight years. According to a recent Forsa survey, 53 percent of Germans currently feel very stressed, and half of those surveyed are more stressed than they were five years ago. Typical symptoms: inner restlessness, problems falling asleep and staying asleep, irritability, listlessness, muscular tension.
The recreation researcher Carmen Binnewies from the Westfälische Wilhelms-Universität Münster sees this as an indication that we can no longer absorb the stress. “The way recovery works hasn’t fundamentally changed,” she says. “But the context of the pandemic, war, inflation, adverse news and financial worries are making it difficult for us to recover.”
A question of personality
Research shows that what we do to relax should above all be self-determined and positive. Ideally, we switch off and clear our heads, forget about work and relax. Exactly what that is for each of us is individual. The crucial question is: What is good for me? My boss, for example, finds it refreshing to visit five cities in five days. A colleague recharges her batteries simply by lying lazily on a lounger in the sun. And I love hiking and biking in the mountains. By the way, exercise is good for everyone because it reduces stress hormones. But: It should be fun, otherwise it will be stressful. Challenges you overcome can also be restorative—like learning an instrument or running a half marathon. In the best case, the relaxing activity also fulfills a purpose, for example being with nice people.
Sounds exhausting? Perhaps. But recovery doesn’t happen by itself, we have to do something for it. “Recovery is an active process,” says Carmen Binnewies, “it needs some initial energy: I have to pull myself together, for example to do sports or meet friends. It’s harder on days when I’m stressed and I really need rest , because I have even less energy to get started.” Her tip: plan, make appointments, establish routines – “and preferably actively build into the week when and how you want to relax”.
What in us is most stressed in everyday life?
An indication of our personal recreational activity is what stresses us in everyday life. Because relaxation is often in contrast, i.e. the opposite of what exhausts us at work. Or to put it another way: Anyone who has worked on the computer all day and spends the evening on the couch often feels just as drained the next morning. Anyone who works hard physically does not necessarily recharge their batteries with a high-intensity workout.
The American doctor Saundra Dalton-Smith found out what helps. “When we think of relaxation, we think above all about the right diet, sufficient exercise and seven hours of sleep,” she says. “Recreation is primarily about regenerating those parts of our body and our psyche that are particularly stressed in everyday life – so to start where there is a recovery deficit.” The doctor identified seven different deficits:
Mental Recovery: Too much thinking work can make us unfocused, forgetful and have trouble sleeping. Stressful thoughts and insecurities also increase this deficit. What helps: shutting down the mind, preferably every two hours, e.g. B. by meditating, walking in nature or sports.
Sensory Recovery: Light and noise can overwhelm us, long staring at the screen. Tip: close your eyes more often, turn off the radio, put in earplugs, take regular breaks from your cell phone and tablet.
Creative recreation: If our creativity doesn’t have room at work, maybe looking at art in our free time or pursuing a hobby like playing the piano or painting.
Emotional Recovery: People who rarely say no and want to please often feel drained. Tip: It’s better to spend time with people you can be vulnerable with.
Social Recovery: It takes strength to be with a lot of negative people. Rather seek contact with positive people who listen and are interested. And schedule regular alone time.
Spiritual Recovery: Feeling connected and belonging gives energy, for example through a charitable activity, voluntary work, yoga or religion.
Physical recovery: In the case of physical exhaustion or joint pain, relaxation techniques, sufficient sleep and exercise can bring new energy.
Exciting, I haven’t looked at it like that before. I add to my to-do list: mental and social recovery – sleep more, exercise, eat veggies and cook fresh, floss, and meditate. And I feel even more exhausted: Where am I supposed to find the time for all these things?
The sociologist Franziska Schutzbach criticizes exactly that: that the responsibility for our well-being is pushed over to us – because society, with its focus on performance and growth, does not take our need for relaxation and care into account. The current discussion about a four-day week and a fairer distribution of care work comes at just the right time – maybe we should think about self-care work at the same time? What I find exciting about the current studies on the four-day week in Great Britain is that the employees there did not work less despite the reduced number of hours, but were more motivated and sick less often. One reason: that they had more time for themselves.
The constant fear of missing out
What I find paradoxical: we work fewer hours, have more time than the generations before us and still feel more exhausted. I ask the futurologist Ulrich Reinhardt: Have we perhaps forgotten how to relax?
“Don’t forget,” he says. “But we often set other priorities and try to increasingly optimize our leisure time as well as work, health and body. We want to be there everywhere and are constantly afraid of missing something.” Corona has accelerated this development again. “That only makes us very satisfied to a limited extent, it’s stressful, and actually we would like to shift down two gears again, but we can do it at the moment barely.”
So what has to happen in order for us to get better at it again? Reinhardt recommends: “Your own well-being must be the most important decision-making criterion. Better to miss something than always be there. Rather enjoy the moment and not the likes afterwards. The recovery time doesn’t have to be optimized as well, so don’t take your smartphone with you into the bath.”
The key lies within ourselves
Maybe that’s what’s new about recovery: that we have to take even more care of ourselves. That we need time out from the outside, from crises, smartphones and work. Means: taking regular breaks from the news, packing away the laptop in the evening and not being available for colleagues after 6 p.m., on weekends and on vacation. Because that creates space to feel how we are really doing and what we need. Then we realize how stressed and exhausted we are and can take countermeasures in good time. If you lose contact with yourself, you also lose your self-protection.
For me this means: I have to fight harder for my Me times, for example for the break set in Outlook. My top recovery hack I’ve been trying recently: I slow down, everywhere. I walk more slowly, shop relaxed, cook comfortably in the evening. My new normal is no longer a freeway, but a country road. If you get involved, something great happens: Suddenly you see the flowers on the side of the road again.