“First Sunday Rule”: Can this trick save friendships?

psychology
Can the “First Sunday Rule” save friendships?

As a child, it was so easy: We spent the school day with our friends, all lessons and breaks, together – and then rang their doorbell again straight after lunch to play together in the afternoon. See 20 to 30 years later Friendships usually look a little different: We try, often unsuccessfully, to find an evening in our busy everyday life between jobs, care work and relationships where we can go out to dinner with our friend.

Unfortunately, the carefree days of childhood without any responsibility are usually over as adults. Especially when we work full-time and may also have to take care of a relationship, children and/or other family members. What often falls by the wayside – apart from time for ourselves – are our friendships.

We need our friendships

As much as we like our friends, they unfortunately quickly slide down the priority list. This is completely natural, in most people’s lives there are phases in which they have less strength and space for their friends. Maybe when they became parents, started a new, demanding job or have to care for a sick person. Good friendships can withstand this. But in the long run, we need to invest a minimum amount of time and energy into our friendships if we want to keep them.

And we should, because as social creatures we need this time with people who are good for us. Of course, these can also be family members, but friends usually offer us a special safe space in which we can break out of our everyday lives and say what’s on our minds in an unfiltered way. There are different Studieswhich show that friends make us healthier and happier.

But how can we manage to make room for time with friends in our overly busy schedules (and often even fuller heads)? The journalist Alexia Dellner has found an answer to this, which she shares on the “PureWow” portal: the “First Sunday Rule”.

The “First Sunday Rule”: A fixed time window for socializing

This rule means that Dellner blocks a fixed time slot for her friends on the first Sunday of every month. “It could be just ten minutes when my children magically sleep at the same time, or even an hour to talk to a friend who I haven’t heard from in a long time,” explains Alexia Dellner. She then calls or texts the person. Sometimes this leads to spontaneous conversations, sometimes it takes a while before she gets an answer from the person she is talking to. But in any case, she lets this friend or friend know: I’m thinking of you.

Even if it sounds like an additional stress factor at first, blocking this time slot for friends can help us make it a routine. Once we’ve made something a habit, it’s actually a lot less stressful than having to motivate ourselves to do it again and again.

When could your fixed time for friends be?

And the “First Sunday Rule” can of course be adapted and individualized: For some people, another time may work better, Tuesday evening or the lunch break on Friday. Or a set longer or shorter period of time, for example exactly one hour each time – or half a day. And if your own energy and schedule allow it, it might not just be a conversation via phone or chat, but a meeting with friends that always takes place in this setting.

The basic idea remains the same: we must consciously make time for the people who are important to us. Otherwise they get lost between everyday stress and care work. And that wouldn’t just be a shame – it wouldn’t do us any good to neglect our friendships in the long term.

Sources used: purewow.com, apa.org

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Bridget