Hoovering
How to recognize the toxic disconnect phenomenon
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Hoovering describes a dangerous behavior of ex-partners and is very common nowadays. You can find out here how you can recognize the first signs and how you can free yourself from the phenomenon.
What is Hoovering?
The word Hoovering comes from English and means something like “vacuum cleaning” or “soak up“. An ex-partner starts after ending a relationship, the other person fully absorb and never misses an opportunity. She wants to win her over again.
But what’s wrong with that? After all, some people learn a lot about themselves and their ex-partner from a breakup and want to change for the relationship.
What are signs of hoovering?
Hoovering differs from a loving act of recovery after the end of a relationship in that the ex-partner has not changed and does not want to change. In fact, she still wants to draw on your energy and therefore seizes every opportunity to contact you and in the best case you to win back for a relationship again. Your needs and desires rarely have a high priority.
Hoovering is preferred by people with a narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic behaviors operated. Narcissists need other people to to satisfy their own needs and you to strengthen self-confidence. They use the energy of their victims and set a emotional dependency here. Will this energy source for example, cut short after a breakup, people with narcissistic personality disorder will do whatever they can to get it flowing again.
Signs of hoovering after the relationship ended:
- The victim receives several times a day and around the clock Messages via WhatsApp, Instagram and other social networks
- The victim will be constantly surprise visits paid
- The victim receives unannounced gifts
- Trivial pretexts are sought to induce the victim meeting
- The ex-partner interferes in the victim’s problem situations and offers his/her help
- The victim will be informed about the separation guilty conscience did
- It will thinking about vacations together and good memories
- It gets very bad for the victim made it difficulta new partner get to know
- The victim is shown how much the ex-partner:in suffer from the breakup
- It is trying the Getting friends of the victim on his/her sideto manipulate it by third parties
- It is pretended that it exists continued relationship with the victim
- The perpetrator wants (emotional) power obtain about the sacrifice
When does Hoovering start?
Based on the listed signs, you can assess whether your ex-partner is serious about winning you back or whether you are a victim of hoovering. Is your counterpart at one interested in a clarifying conversationafter which you feel better too, or the person wants himself only use your energy?
Hoovering is a strategy
Hoovering is about not tokens of lovebut about one clever tacticsthe partner to soften and the energy input to secure.
A breakup that doesn’t come from a person with narcissistic traits is rarely accepted. Narcissists usually want to decide for themselves when a relationship ends.
Here’s what you can do at Hoovering to protect yourself
In the rarest of cases, people can change from one day to the next for a new partnership. A rethinking and a change in behavior do not happen suddenly. Watch them recovery attempts your ex-partner:in exactly, before you jump to the wrong conclusions and accuse them of narcissism and portray him or her as the perpetrator.
However, the faster and more intense the messages, surprise visits, and intrusive closeness occur, the more likely you could be a victim of hoovering.
To look no further from flatteries of hoovering to be seduced, it is recommended that the break contact. If this decision is not respected by the perpetrator, you should seek support. If you are emotionally dependent after a relationship with a narcissist where your self-esteem has been diminished and emotional abuse has occurred, a psychotherapy help.
Are you interested in more relationship topics? Then the following might interest you: What is a symbiotic relationship, soul love and on-off relationship?
Sources used:
- psychologytoday.com
- psychcentral.com
- researchgate.net