Gender can be of greater or lesser importance depending on the couple. How do you know if you are compatible at this level? Is it fundamental to be fulfilled in your relationship? A sex therapist answers.
Couples don’t place the same importance on sex in their relationship. There is no rule, all is to be in agreement with oneself and with his / her partner. Plus, sex doesn’t mean the same for everyone. There is more than one way to have sex. While for some, the report means “penetration”, others consider that the foreplay is in itself a report … It all depends on the people. The whole point is that the two people involved agree. This is the principle of what is called sexual compatibility. According to sex therapist Jacqueline Mendez, interviewed by Well and Good, it is “the ability to talk to each other about what is good and what is not” at the sexual level.
In short, you must be honest with yourself first by having affirmed and assumed desires (by knowing what you like, what pleases you), then towards your partner. “If someone is not interested in knowing who you are inside or outside the bedroom, there is no possible sexual compatibility”, warns Jacqueline Mendez. For her, this lack of interest may indicate a more general lack of compatibility, both physically and psychologically. Talking about your desires with the other allows you to remove this part of stress where you ask yourself questions: “Am I doing it right? Does he like it?”… You can start the relationship with more peace of mind.
Is sexually compatible an obligation?
Perfect sexual compatibility, that is, understanding and knowing the other’s desires, is not necessarily acquired at the start of all relationships. Indeed, sometimes it takes time for partners to open up and engage. That said, your relationship is by no means doomed if you don’t share the exact sexual preferences of a new partner. What if you don’t feel compatible? The expert advises introspection: you must find absolutely what you expect from the relationship. Talking about it is a good thing, it helps communicate your tastes and creates space for your partner to do the same. Dare!