It’s not just love in the days of the coronavirus. There is also friendship. Since the start of the pandemic, it too has been put to the test. Some ties have grown stronger, but others have weakened. Yet, more than ever, we need our friends. Some tips for maintaining friendships in the age of Covid-19.
Social distancing, limiting gatherings, confinement, masks … Since the start of the Covid-19 epidemic, our lives and our relationships have been completely turned upside down. And if there has been a lot of talk about love: long-distance relationships, couples that confinement has strengthened, or conversely, those for whom the breakup was inevitable, the pandemic is also a test for them. friendly ties. Today, more than ever, we need the support of our friends, but how do we stay close when time and closeness are strained? Here are some ways to nurture your friendships in the coronavirus age.
The importance of staying connected the right way
The issue of managing the health crisis may raise some friendly misunderstandings. Everyone should determine their own limits and respect them. To bridge the physical distance, new rituals appeared from the first confinement, like the “skyperos”, the hype of which has since dropped. Gradually, the phone calls, Zoom cocktails and Netflix parties ended up fading as people got tired of spending so much time online. Across the Atlantic, the weariness caused by calls via interposed screens has a name: “Fatigue Zoom”. However, it is essential to maintain the friendly bond, so as not to let the relationship be damaged. "Above all, maintain our friendly relations: they are the foundation of our health", insists Saverio Tomasella, doctor in psychology, psychoanalyst, and author of These friendships that transform us (ed. Eyrolles). “Whether by phone, email, videoconference, let's communicate as much as possible with our friends. And when possible, go see them or invite them to our home, where we can take off our masks, hug each other and experience real relationships in the presence, in our bodies, with our bodies ", he recommends. While respecting as much as possible the barrier gestures and restrictions of the government, going for a coffee to take away together on weekends, organizing a pajama party in small groups, are all small moments that allow you to keep the link.
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Talking frankly to your friends
There is nothing wrong with feeling exhausted in friendships. The lockdowns and curfew have made exits much more complicated, to the point that they sometimes become an effort to be made. We dare to disturb less, because of telework or the children to manage, everything becomes organization. "We have lost a large part of our spontaneity, so much we have to follow rules", notes Saverio Tomasella. It is important to remember that we have the right to take time to be alone, to think about ourselves. And expressing it to your friends can be a good thing. Saying that things are wrong, that it is difficult for us to speak, to go out … It is necessary to take the time to confide in ourselves, by putting our difficulties into words. "We need to be heard, need to express our problems, our sufferings, our doubts, but also the things that are going well, despite everything, because there are some". In the same way, if we feel that our friends are moving away, closing in on themselves, let's try to be kind to them, not to judge them or let the unspoken settle in. . “We can try to respect this need for isolation, which is above all a way of protecting ourselves, while understanding that it also expresses deep suffering. So we text regularly, we make a little phone call, even a brief one… If we live nearby, we pay him a little visit from time to time. We can not impose ourselves while remaining present and, above all, saying that we are there for her or for him ", develops the psychoanalyst. And add: “When times are tough or when things aren't going well, it's important to find people who can hear us. If it's not a loved one, it can be a therapist. "
We need the ability to give and receive attention, care, comfort and tenderness even more
Listen to each other (really) and tell each other that we love each other
“Friendship is fundamental for every human being. She's the best way we've found to share love ", recalls Saverio Tomasella. “Unlike a romantic relationship, we can have several friendships at the same time, and this is also what allows us to receive all the affection we need. In this context of global crisis, we need even more the ability to give and receive attention, care, comfort and tenderness ", continues the expert. Now is the time to say soft words, tender words, words of affection and comfort. "Personally, I avoid saying 'positive' or 'negative', because emotions, for example, are all important and do not have to meet moral or performance criteria", answers Saverio Tomasella. "As for 'let go' or 'be in the moment' type injunctions, they sound like mouthwatering programs, but they don't help anyone." Likewise, if we can sometimes be inclined to change the subject when a friend tells us about their problems, thinking that it will help them clear their heads, Saverio Tomasella advises against this approach. . “Beyond what we can or cannot express, listening to our friends seems essential to me. The first thing to do when someone is talking to us is to shut up, to take the time to really listen to them and to hear what they are saying to us … ", he says. Let's be there for our friends when they need us.