For a long time, our author thought traveling was part of her personality. There was only a small translation error between needs.
In how many friends’ albums, profiles and hobby columns I have probably already written down: I like traveling. Not in the casual backpacker-Southeast Asia-adventure way, but more in the Greek-islands-book-sea way, but yes, I love traveling. All this traveling even led me to take a sabbatical. But then there was a little twist: after five weeks of the five months, I suddenly wanted to go home for a short time. Not because I was homesick. But because I found something I had always been looking for in beautiful bays and small alleys.
This now sounds like the introduction to a coaching seminar on the topic of self-discovery and enlightenment, in which sentences like “You already have everything you need inside you” (there’s something to that) and “Look inside instead of outside” (true usually too), but don’t worry, I promise not to write anything about it.
Back to the fifth week of the five months: I had just completed a yoga training course, in which you inevitably have to deal with yourself a lot. So some time had passed in which I had worked intensively on things that interested me. And only me. In which I only paid attention to my needs, to what I wanted – after all, I was there alone, in a group, but unaccompanied. Despite the sweat, tears and elephant calluses on my knees (that’s a thing), I felt very close to myself.
Do I really enjoy traveling – or am I running away from the needs of others?
Suddenly I couldn’t wait to bring this me home. to meet friends and enjoy it. To live my everyday life the way I imagine it – and not the way others expected of me. And I realized how far away I had been from home in the last few years. Because if I longed so much to enjoy my “normal” life, that unfortunately also meant that I hadn’t done it for a long time. Broken down, I lived my life abroad, in other people’s territories, according to their rules, wishes and expectations. Just like you normally adapt to the circumstances of a holiday destination.
For years it seemed easier to get on a plane and fly miles away than to say no. Than just not to contact me. To recharge my batteries before giving my energy to others.
What I now know: If I don’t respect my own boundaries, I’m crossing geographical ones.
I still catch myself doing this today: a friend just asked me if I was free next Saturday. I came fresh from vacation, recharged, knew I had time – and said yes. But what I also knew was that I had agreed to my only day off of the week. Within the last few days I had such a bad feeling in my gut that I ended up canceling on her. In the past, I basically only canceled when I was outside the country and the reach of others.
Today my gut speaks to me more clearly – or I have learned to understand its language. Translation errors like “Book a flight to Greece” instead of “Cancel and take time for yourself” still happen, but less often. This is not only more friendly to your account, climate, but also self-esteem – and therefore more sustainable on all levels.
By the way, I didn’t end my sabbatical after five weeks. I continued to travel, but adjusted my plans: and consciously planned time at home in between. My addiction to travel has lessened and the pressure has given way to pleasure. I used to feel increasing relief with every mile I got further from my hometown. But today I also feel a sense of anticipation when I approach her again. I still have wanderlust, but no longer have the instinct to escape.