“Do you think disabled people don’t like beautiful clothes?” Manuela Buyny, 60, asked us in a letter to the editor. Her body is twisted because of scoliosis. She still wants to be well dressed – and misses handicapped people in the fashion series. Guido then invited her.
Guido: Manuela, when I read your mail, tears came to me.
Manuela Buyny: Oh really But why is that?
That picked me up like that. I had to call Frank immediately and read him your words: “Some people ask: Why don’t they dress in muted colors? But I too want to be perceived like everyone else. Souls are not crooked and have no wrinkles. ”For me a sentence for the Federal Cross of Merit.
Yes, there is this handicap on the outside, but inside I have the same needs as any other woman. I want to be beautiful too! That’s why I had to write to you: Everyone gets a forum in magazines – fat, thin, big, small, but you hardly ever see people with handicaps.
That’s correct. We who are healthy too often forget how many people have physical problems. Tell me what happened to you as a child.
For me, scoliosis, a sideways curvature of the spine, came almost overnight at the age of ten: at Easter I was still completely straight, in summer my whole body was crooked. Even my navel wasn’t where it should. I had shoulders of different heights and a hump in the ribs. The hunchback of Notre-Dame was nothing against me.
Because she never sat still for long as a child, she was nicknamed “Frog”. With the illness, Manuela, here 13, was banned from any kind of sport.
© Private
Insanity. How did you feel about it: Did you experience yourself as a disappointment? As a little girl you want to look like everyone else …
Back then I was given a corset as a support, which was terribly embarrassing to me. Before going to school, I always stuffed it in the bushes. But the biggest incision came for me when I was 13. At the time, I went to a surgeon by myself because my mother was on shift. I still remember that I had dressed up in a pants suit and my first high heels. So I walked proudly into the practice when the doctor said: “Well, girl, then let yourself be inscribed in the book of cripples.”
He couldn’t have said that! It burns into the soul like a tattoo.
Oh yeah. Later I stood at the tram stop and asked myself whether I should throw myself in front of the next train. This sentence haunted me for decades. After that I would often buy clothes three sizes too big to hide in.
At that time you were just entering puberty, and then the doctor will take away all your bases. According to the motto: “How does the Krumme ever want to find a guy?” Impossible.
After that, I was not feeling well mentally. When I was 14, I was admitted to the hospital in a stretching bed for a year, and when I was 15 I had an operation for ten hours. My spine was straightened and partially stiffened with a metal rod. After that I was less crooked and the hump much smaller.
What a relief!
In any case. From then on I was able to help myself with clothes. My mother was a dressmaker, she sewed suitable clothes for me and showed me, for example, that I look straighter if I only wear a shoulder pad on one side. Fashion has always helped me a lot to appear normal.
© Clara Behnke / Guido
Some say that fashion is superfluous. What a crap! In that case, fashion can save you. For example, today you’re wearing a pleated skirt. It’s great for you because it jumps so beautifully through the world. The restlessness is a great distraction from everything else.
Yes, now I know the tricks: I know that I shouldn’t emphasize my waist and that it is best to wear a jacket over a skirt. Wide belts or a deep neckline are not possible. And figure-hugging clothing doesn’t do anything for me either.
They always said: “You should never have children!” I did it anyway, and the pregnancy went very well.
Class, however, would be a pair of Marlene trousers. Or are pants bad for you to wear?
Pants go. It is more difficult to get into tights in winter. Unfortunately for me my toes are distant galaxies.
And how do you do that when you buy shoes?
I always have to take someone with me because I can’t do it alone. There are no longer any specialist salespersons who help you in business.
Such an Al Bundy with a bench … so do you only buy shoes that you can slip on?
No. If I want sneakers, I use elastic shoelaces and put them in. At home I have grippers that I can use to put the shoes on by myself.
Everything practically solved. And you tell it so happily. When I listen to you, it shows again: The really great freedom is in you – whether you accept that you are who you are. That’s what matters.
But that wasn’t easy for me. There were a lot of ups and downs: For example, in 2017/2018 I was even in a wheelchair because I couldn’t walk anymore because of the pain.
I’ve wasted 40 years of my life trying to look normal.
To be in constant pain is terrible. I know that from Frank, who unfortunately inherited his mother’s osteoarthritis.
At that time a doctor told me that my pain was chronic and that it would never go away. But two years ago I had a second operation for hours. Since then my spine has been completely stiffened, but I can walk and am pain-free! After the second operation, I just walked around the world grinning.
You have jacked a lot. Today you can’t be seen at all anymore. In any case, the first thing that strikes me is your fine face, which could have come from another century. With your curls you could have hung out with a praline in Versailles, too.
Well, if I get up and leave right away, you will see that I hold myself differently. Like Robot Woman.
Oh, you have become a beautiful and self-confident woman
Today Yes. But I’ve wasted 40 years of my life trying to look normal. Nobody should tell me anything. It only clicked when I was over 50. As a civil servant in the administration of the German Bundestag, I had to go over to the Reichstag building with tall, sporty colleagues one day. When they marched off briskly, I shouted: “Damn it, please slow down now! I am disabled and cannot go any faster. Be considerate or I’ll be there in half an hour. “
Yes, hallelujah! That is the advantage of getting older: You don’t become more beautiful or tighter, but you can suddenly tell other people what suits you and what doesn’t.
Since I’ve been accepting myself for who I am, I’ve continuously lost 15 pounds without doing anything. I no longer needed protective armor. At some point you get the point: Everyone has a shortcoming and doesn’t like something about themselves. If you only have few breasts or a butt that is too big, that also conceals that.
What I don’t understand … people have forgotten that diversity is a gift. So, if your bum is too big, wiggle it instead of hiding it. Better to tie a belt around your waist and off you go.
I just saw an Instagram account yesterday of a woman who lost her legs two years ago. A beauty who has embarked on her new life and who is posting about her handicap today.
Great! When I look at the perfect Insta world, I’m in a bad mood after ten minutes. I always think: “Guido, how do you look? You can’t run backwards up the wall or breakdance with your mother … “What a fake world! Because the truth is: Then I have fat legs, but when they carry me everywhere, I don’t have to be sad. Every wheelchair user would like to swap my legs immediately, believe that!
Sure, they wouldn’t care about cellulite if they could just walk. Healthy people should think about that if they don’t find themselves perfect enough for any man.
Manuela (right, 33) with her mother and daughter: Strength lies in the genes.
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How was that even for you towards love? Have you ever spoken to a man
I never got involved with a really good-looking guy because I always thought: What does someone like that want from me? My friend would often say: “Have you caught another from the horror cabinet?” For men, my back was never an issue. I am currently single and look after my 87 year old mother. No time for a man.
Without the stupid doctor you might have found someone who’d jump at you today. But you have a daughter, don’t you?
Yes, against any advice from the doctors. They always said: “You must never have children!” I did it anyway, and the pregnancy went very well.
What does your daughter do for a living?
She has become a doctor, works as an anesthetist in the intensive care unit and in the operating room. She used to be a competitive figure skating athlete for a long time.
Oh how beautiful! Then she ran the freestyle that you couldn’t run …
No, I would have preferred to roller-skate myself if I had been allowed to. My daughter was diagnosed with scoliosis as a child and the doctor said, “Send her to figure skating. She has to keep her balance, that helps. ”And so it was: The scoliosis is gone today. I was forbidden to exercise as a child.
But you never gave up. And that’s why I wanted to meet you. Because I think it’s not about whether I depict fashion for wheelchairs. It’s about showing the importance of accepting your destiny and making the most of it. You can be a role model for many. Also on Instagram. Are there already scoliosis groups there?
Yes, but it’s only about serious things like the right treatment, the best mattress, which office chair, etc. Not about fashion tips, which is a shame.
That would be a task for you! Fashion can change so much. With this you show everyone that you belong … thank you for opening this door for us.
This article originally appeared in Guido No. 11/2021.