No sex? The truth about a sex lull

Is it true that without regular sex …

… the libido drops?

So much in advance: According to a recent survey, around a fifth of Germans have no sex. So celibacy is not uncommon. It can be self-chosen or involuntary, psychological or cultural, influenced by hormones, illness or the job. All of these and a number of other factors have an effect on the libido, the sex drive. But it can start up surprisingly: In the first weeks or months of falling in love, for example, it usually doesn't matter whether the in-laws sleep in the next room or strangers in the tent next door. "Being in love is a hormonal state of emergency. The dopamine level is high, the serotonin level is low," says Aglaja Stirn, professor of psychosomatic medicine and sexual medicine. Somewhere between obsession and drug high. Gynecologist Sheila de Liz says that some people screw themselves into a rage: "A lot of sex can fuel the libido – a self-reinforcing effect." But can one also lose pleasure through long periods of abstinence? "If you are not sexually active, it has no negative consequences for your libido," says Aglaja Stirn. It just rests – until another interesting situation arises.

… the susceptibility to stress increases?

"Studies show that a fulfilling sex life promotes mental and physical well-being," says Aglaja Stirn. Apparently an orgasm not only makes the skin look rosier, it also makes your view of the world look rosier: When you touch the hypothalamus in the brain, for example, it releases oxytocin, a hormone that strengthens bonds but can also reduce anxiety and stress. The stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol, on the other hand, can be reduced through sexual activity. But if you have been electrified all day, it is quite demanding to do the Kama Sutra in the evening to calm down. The good news: "The effect of oxytocin begins when you cuddle," says Aglaja Stirn. And exercise regulates stress hormones just as effectively as sex. Just so you can hear it …

… the partnership suffers?

How much sex does love need? That depends entirely on the needs of a couple, says Aglaja Stirn. As long as both want the same thing, there would be no too much or too little. "Relationships can work without intercourse – and intimacy without orgasms." The situation is different if one part of the couple is missing something for a long time. "Communicate, come to an agreement, practice – maybe also as part of sex therapy," recommends Aglaja Stirn. Permanently doing without, just so as not to annoy your partner, does not solve the problem. "Especially after the birth of a child, couples are often too tired and stressed to get involved with each other. If this phase lasts longer than a year, there is a risk that it will solidify," says Sheila de Liz. Her advice: just do it. "The first time is maybe just as mediocre. But it builds closeness."

… the intelligence is dwindling?

"We know from rats that more brain cells are formed in their hippocampus after sex," says Aglaja Stirn. However, the sex medicine specialist admits: "Not all findings from animal research can also be transferred to humans." The gynecologist Sheila de Liz sees it similarly: "If sexual activity had a measurable influence on intelligence, porn actors would probably also be scientists much more often."

… the vagina no longer gets wet?

Women prefer it when sex is wet – it makes it easier for them to orgasm. How wet the vagina is says little about how aroused a woman is. Because the vagina is never completely dry. This is ensured by the so-called cervical mucus – and its amount varies from woman to woman and during the cycle. When excited, the Bartholin and paraurethral glands switch on. There are then three secretions that moisten the vaginal entrance. And these develop regardless of whether a woman had sex yesterday or five years ago, says Sheila de Liz: "The vagina does not dry out if you are abstinent for a longer period of time." If it feels very dry, however, this can be an indication of an estrogen deficiency – for example as a result of menopause. The labia and vaginal mucosa are then poorly supplied with blood. The skin becomes thin and can tear, which painfully disrupts sex. "This can usually be regulated well with hormone preparations or lubricants," says de Liz.

… the risk of gaining weight increases?

Sex does not make you slim – the activity level is no higher than a brisk walk. So no sex doesn't make you fat either. But eating can comfort you. For example, about an unwanted lack of physicality. "For someone who longs for intimacy, food may serve as a substitute satisfaction," says Sheila de Liz. A better balance: "Activities that relax and make you happy."

… men lack testosterone for building muscle?

Testosterone is the most important sex hormone in men. It helps with sperm production and has a muscle building effect. With ejaculation, the level in the blood begins to rise for up to seven days. Then it falls off again. Men who have not had sex for a long time – including masturbation – do not have to fear for their muscles. "Sex leads to fluctuations in the testosterone level, but these make no difference to a healthy body, they are too low for that," says Aglaja Stirn. For that six-pack, men only have to go to the gym. Not in bed.

… the risk of a heart attack increases?

The main negative factors for heart health are obesity and smoking. You can fuck against as you want – your heart will hardly thank you. "However, nitric oxide is released during sex," says Sheila de Liz. "This messenger substance signals the smooth muscles of the blood vessels to relax. This allows more blood to flow and the oxygen supply increases." Among other things, this is good for the heart – which is why doctors have been prescribing sprays with nitroglycerin to heart patients for more than 150 years: This breaks down in the body, releases nitric oxide and dilates the blood vessels. "Anyone who refrains from sex is depriving themselves of this relaxing effect," says Sheila de Liz. "When it comes to heart disease, that's not decisive for the war. But it's a shame."

… life expectancy is falling?

"If you stop earlier, you age faster," says Sheila de Liz. "That's why the Danish government once had a commercial with the motto 'Do it forever – do it for Denmark', in which you see an older couple jumping into a box with each other." The spot promises: Regular sex can extend life expectancy by up to eight years. Aglaja Forehead confirms: "A study has shown that having sex twice a week reduces the risk of death." However, this assumes that the life-sustaining measure practiced with your partner (or yourself) is not just a mandatory act. Sheila de Liz: "Ultimately, it is a complete package: people who are happy and fit simply want to be sexually active for longer."

DR SHEILA DE LIZ is a gynecologist. Her book "Woman on Fire. All About the Fabulous Menopause" was published by Rowohlt on September 15th.

PROF. DR.AGLAJA VALENTINA STIRN Heads the Institute for Sexual Medicine and Forensic Psychiatry and Psychotherapy at the University Medical Center Schleswig-Holstein in Kiel.