According to the American Stephen Covey, in the process of growing up and being an adult, we go through different stages – in which we sometimes get stuck. You can read about which steps there are and which ones you could stand on here.
As we develop from child to adult, we go through some major changes. Numerous psychologists with different focuses have already researched this development and tried to describe it systematically. With his five-stage model, Sigmund Freud published one of the most famous theories about growing up to date.
A newer and often cited model that focuses particularly on the relationship between the self and other people comes from the American Stephen Covey and is called the “Maturity Continuum.” The model consists of four stages that we all go through, but which we never have to or can completely leave behind. According to Stephen Covey’s theory, there are phases of life in which a certain stage dominates. But in the course of our development, we will repeatedly find ourselves in situations in which stages that were already thought to be completed can become more important again. And some people get stuck in one of the stages at the crucial stages for various reasons.
Maturity Continuum: The Four Stages of Self-Development
1. Dependence
In the state of dependency, we depend on other people to get what we need and want. Naturally, we all experience this stage of development as children: At the age of two, for example, we cannot cook spaghetti Bolognese and even at the age of five, eight or eleven, most people would still find it difficult to feed themselves completely.
As we get older, the degree of our dependence generally decreases, but to some extent we experience this stage throughout our lives – and in some cases not only when we are actually dependent on other people.
Some people have a strong expectation that those around them will meet their needs and respond to them without them being able or required to do anything about it themselves. They always focus on the external influences and circumstances in which they live and have low self-efficacy. Many of these people were not able to learn to discover and develop their independence as children. A few, on the other hand, have never been able to experience the extent to which it is okay to be dependent – which is why they perceive dependency particularly intensely and feel constantly alarmed by it.
2. Rebellion (Counter-Dependence)
Many parents observe the stage of rebellion for the first time in their small children in the form of a phase of defiance in which they say no to everything and quickly burst into anger if they cannot get their way. Once again, it is often noticeable, especially among teenagers, when they deliberately violate their parents’ rules, find everything that has to do with family stupid, and rebel at every opportunity.
Ideally, as we mature, we feel the need to rebel less and only in certain situations, such as when our personal values or boundaries are acutely threatened. For some people, however, the urge to rebel and fundamentally take an opposing position is always particularly strong. They identify less by what they are and what they stand for than by what they are not and what they rebel against. Many of these people skipped the rebellious phase in their youth – but some didn’t make the jump.
3. Independence
At the stage of independence, we learn that we are highly self-sufficient and that we have influence and control over our lives. So one day we will move out of our parents’ house, run our own household, earn our own money, solve our problems independently and on our own initiative. In this phase we develop self-efficacy: the conviction that we can overcome challenges and have the confidence to do many things.
For many people, the stage of independence is a healthy priority in their lives, but even in this stage we can get stuck and lose our way – after all, we are not completely independent. Those caught in this stage usually have problems accepting their own integration into a social structure and the associated dependence on other people. And always insists on asserting himself without compromise and doing everything alone. Many people who are overly independent grew up in a home that placed an extremely high value on independence, and some had parents who had very low self-efficacy as role models.
4. Reciprocity (Interdependence)
The stage of reciprocity or interdependence is, in a sense, a goal in self-development: at this stage we recognize our independence and its limitations equally. We can accept help from other people without feeling threatened and without taking it for granted. Likewise, we can respond to others and see their dependence on us without exploiting them.
Very few adults can remain constantly in the reciprocal stage, because over the course of an average life we repeatedly find ourselves in situations in which our self is shaken and we have to reorganize ourselves, defend ourselves, develop further or anew. But if things go well for us, once we have arrived, we always find our way back to the stage of reciprocity.
Sources used: psychologytoday.com, ryandelaney.co, medium.com