communication
5 alternatives to “sorry” that make other people respect you
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Sometimes a sincere apology is reason enough to respect a person, but apologizing too often creates an insecure impression. These variants appear self-confident and still give your counterpart a good feeling.
Serious apologies are a sign of strength and competence. They require us to recognize that we have done something wrong or caused inconvenience to other people. They assume that we have a conscience, own up to our mistakes, and want to right them. In this respect, we deserve respect when we apologize.
On the other hand, apologies can convey, and in some cases actually stem from, insecurity: Insecurity can lead us to apologize more often than necessary and to ask for forgiveness for things that don’t even require an apology. Insecurity fuels our fear of doing something wrong, and that’s why we feel the impulse to apologize. But if we give in to this impulse every time, other people will perceive us as insecure – possibly even more insecure than we actually are – and lose both trust and respect for us. Also, constantly apologizing will diminish the value of our apologies at really important moments.
That’s why we prefer to skip the occasional apology if it’s not absolutely necessary. But what do we say instead? Nothing at all? Not so easy when we feel the urge to say something. According to behavioral scientist Shadé Zahrai, an expression of appreciation is often a good alternative to an improper apology. By expressing appreciation and gratitude to our counterpart, we can react to our apology impulse without conveying uncertainty – and on the contrary, even appear competent and self-confident. In addition, we usually give our counterpart a good feeling because they feel noticed. Five examples of how we can use appreciation instead of an apology.
5 alternatives to “sorry” that make other people respect you
1. “I really appreciate you making time for me.”
Whether we’ve just started a new job, are adjusting to a change, or otherwise find ourselves in a situation where we need other people’s time and help, this happens to the best and is no reason to apologize. Instead of saying something like, “Sorry I need your time and support,” we can safely say something like, “Thank you for your effort,” or “I really appreciate you taking the time for me.”
2. “Thanks for listening.”
You’re totally engrossed in the conversation, emotionally engaged, totally engaged, highly interested – and suddenly you realize that it’s you who’s talking all the time. Forget it, it happens from time to time. It certainly doesn’t require an apology, after all, your counterpart could slow you down at any time if you really caused damage. So instead of apologizing for talking so much, you can feel comfortable thanking the other person for listening or letting them know that you appreciate their willingness to talk you through.
3. “Your compassion means a lot to me.”
“Sorry I’m so emotional” – what? Please don’t. Though we sometimes find them excessive or inappropriate ourselves, our emotions have their place and are not something we ever need to apologize for. Make us throw Aperol Spritz on someone out of anger, fine. Then an apology is in order. But when we’re just crying, or upset, or upset, and sharing our feelings without flinging cocktails and fisticuffs, that’s an opportunity to thank them for their understanding and compassion, or to say how much it means to us that it means to us there is.
4. “Thank you for your patience.”
Too late? OK. Then an apology is appropriate – if the delay has caused damage to other people. If we are a few minutes late for a relaxed appointment, or if we have announced that we are a little later, or if our lateness does not disrupt the rest of the process in the slightest, it is overkill to apologize. It doesn’t help anyone and just makes us seem incompetent and disorganized. On the other hand, if we thank our fellow human beings for waiting and acknowledge their patience and understanding, they will perceive us as polite and attentive – and respect us despite the long-forgotten delay.
5. “Your criticism is very helpful.”
Made fault? Something slipped? Not paying attention? Human. Minor missteps, for example at work, are not worth apologizing for our deficiencies and weaknesses. “Thanks for your comment,” “Your feedback is really helpful,” or “I appreciate your suggestions” are just as good ways to take responsibility for our mistakes as an apology.
Source used: cnbc.com