Finding the right path in life is often not that easy. And knowing if we’ve found him is one of those things too. You can read here which signs, according to the psychologist, suggest that we could possibly readjust.
With our life we are usually given a multitude of possibilities and options and on top of that a very responsible task: to live authentically and to choose a path that makes us happy. Because it suits us and is in harmony with our personal values, skills, convictions and desires. Most of the time there is not just one path, but many that meet these criteria. And yet it is sometimes not that easy to find one of these ways.
It is possible that other people confuse us simply because they live differently from us. Or that certain people have demands and expectations of us that we can hardly ignore (for example our parents). Sometimes we just slip into some stream, in which we then let ourselves be drifted, without really realizing that we have never made up our minds to jump into it.
No matter what the reason for this, if we realize that we are not on any of our possible lanes, it would be good to set the indicator and change lanes. But how do we notice such a thing? Psychologist Bella DePaulo suggests based on the publication Becoming Oneself: The Central Role of Self-Concordant Goal Selection by Kennon Sheldon (published in Personality and Social Psychology Review) to perceive the following points as warning signals.
5 signs you are not quite in tune with yourself
1. You often feel ambivalent about your goals, plans and decisions.
Regardless of whether it’s about everyday things like meeting a friend or about groundbreaking goals in life like applying for a job or saying yes to the marriage proposal: When we meet after Often feeling torn in our decisions and wondering whether we have made the right decision, according to Bella DePaulo this can be a signal that the path we are on does not quite suit us. There are always phases or days when we doubt what we are doing. Do I even feel like meeting my girlfriend tonight? Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with this person? Such thoughts are normal and legitimate – as long as they do not preoccupy us all the time or over and over again. Because when we are in tune with ourselves, when we have healthy relationships and pursue goals that reflect our personal values, then such doubts disappear over time because we enjoy what we are doing and feel that it is right.
2. It feels like a struggle to see your endeavors through to the end.
It’s okay to try things out and just let them go when we realize they’re not for us. The Spanish course is one cramp? How about some salsa dancing? If we feel that we have to fight against ourselves in order to stick to something that we have set out to do, it may not be the right thing and it would be better to let go and take a different path. Most of the time, efforts are necessary to pursue or even achieve our goals. But when we identify with what we are doing, these efforts feel demanding and sometimes also attractive and can be mastered with a reasonable expenditure of energy – without having to fight internal battles.
3. You are downplaying your goals and purposes in life when you talk about them with others.
When we stand behind what we do and it is in line with our values and beliefs, we usually enjoy telling other people about it with enthusiasm. It feels good to share, maybe we even feel some pride, in any case we enjoy talking about it. If, on the other hand, we don’t like to talk to others about our life and our plans and instinctively talk it down, this can, according to Bella DePaulo, be a sign that we are not really convinced that we are doing something useful, or that we are not particularly successful in doing it feel. And then it’s probably not the right thing for us.
4. You feel social pressure to pursue the goals you have set for yourself.
If we do something primarily because we believe that others expect it from us or that we are otherwise not accepted, it is very likely, according to the psychologist, that it does not correspond to our personal goals and ideas. In many cases, we actually meet social expectations without our aiming for it – because our society is halfway open or because it doesn’t care about us (it doesn’t know us) and because people who are close to us are, at best, not very specific Set expectations of us. Therefore, if we primarily follow our own compass and live authentically, we usually do not feel very strong social pressure in what we do – or do not do. In addition, our personal development, our growth, which we perceive and feel, is more important to us than the opinion of other people.
5. You mostly feel compelled to pursue the goals that you have set for yourself.
Most of us have to work to make money from which we can pay for our rent, pasta, and salsa class. In a way, we are forced to. but feel do you have this compulsion permanently? Do you find him particularly strong and present? Or could you also imagine living your life in a similar way as it is now when you are completely free and financially independent? For example, because you enjoy being good at what you do or see value? When we live in harmony with ourselves, we can usually want what we have to and feel less compelled to do our jobs than they do.
Source used: psychologytoday.com