psychology
That’s the key difference between alone and lonely
© Drobot Dean / Adobe Stock
There are people who quickly feel lonely and those who like to spend a lot of time alone. But what exactly is the difference between lonely and alone?
The pandemic has brought many issues to the fore, grievances in society and health policy, social injustice, but also feelings of loneliness and being alone. Because especially in the lockdown phases, many people felt lonely due to the lack of (non-digital) social interaction. Others missed being alone because they were constantly with partners, children or roommates. Still others have enjoyed spending more time alone and not being around people all the time due to the lack of social obligations and working from home.
Being alone as a condition and loneliness as an emotion
From these examples we quickly notice that being alone and loneliness are not the same. But what exactly is the difference? And when do we feel alone (and maybe even very happy about it) – and when lonely?
To see the difference, we need to take a closer look at the words. While being alone is just a condition and therefore value-free, loneliness describes a negative feeling. We can be alone and feel completely comfortable, or the other way around, we can be in the company of many people and still feel very lonely.
Introverts are less likely to feel lonely alone than extroverts
So when we’re lonely, we don’t necessarily lack other people, but rather a lack of connection, a feeling of connectedness and security. Whether we need company for this feeling is very individual and mainly depends on whether we are more introverted or extroverted.
Because while introverts tend to get their energy from time alone and quiet, extroverts need a lot of outside input and company to feel happy. So they are more likely to feel lonely when they are alone. Introverts, on the other hand, are often less comfortable in large groups or at parties – and can also be lonely in this context if they don’t really feel connected to anyone around them.
Spending time alone is healthy and important
But even beyond this basic personality structure, if and when a person feels lonely can say a lot about the state of their mental health. Because if we constantly feel uncomfortable alone and in our own society, we feel like we are missing something, it can be a sign that we need to work on the relationship with ourselves.
Feeling lonely after spending a lot of time alone can be a natural reaction – for example when we are single when our environment is mostly families and couples, or during the lockdown periods during the pandemic, when we have little real contact with other people could.
But if you have the feeling that you can hardly stand a minute in your own company and, for example, turn on the television immediately so as not to be alone with your own thoughts, you should take a closer look at this mechanism and what is behind it – on best with professional help.
If we know ourselves and our own needs well, i.e. we know how much time with others and how much time alone is good for us, and we manage to keep a healthy balance of both, that is definitely a good sign. Because if the pointer swings too much in either direction, it can make us feel lonely – with company or alone.
Sources used: psychologytoday.com, mindbodygreen.com, nystromcounseling.com