When our author read her mother’s pregnancy diary, she had mixed feelings. It quickly became clear: the mother-daughter relationship would change from now on.
For my 18th birthday I received a very special gift: my mom’s pregnancy diary. In fact, there were two books, so there was so much to report. I began to read with joy, but also a bit of awe…
I immediately saw my mom standing in the gynecologist’s office that I also go to today
After the first few pages I was deeply moved. It begins with the description of the first two gynecologist appointments – I immediately saw my mom standing in the practice that I also go to today. It was like she was having a conversation with her (and my) gynecologist, and I was in that room, standing at the edge. As if I had traveled back in time. A beautiful, exciting, emotional journey, but also one full of questions.
For example: Who was my mom before me? How much has being pregnant – with me – changed you? How did I feel in my stomach? Was I an easy or difficult baby? Are there qualities and interests that I have today that perhaps came through back then? There are some things I always wanted to know, some things I asked myself for the first time.
Old images of my mother from before kept coming back to me. Photos were also something I would have liked to have in the diaries. For example, about the wedding that I experienced in my stomach, as I read about it and never knew about it before. I’ve wanted to go to weddings all the time for as long as I can remember – that could be the explanation.
I felt like I was going through my mom’s flood of emotions all over again
My mom and I spent every single day together for nine months and beyond – that makes perfect sense, but somehow I didn’t really realize it until I read these diaries. We experienced beautiful and difficult moments together. I found out in detail what I did during the pregnancy, how severe the nausea was, and how the emergency cesarean section came about. Many pages were about despair, sadness and worries, but at least as many were about (anticipatory) joy – everyone was looking forward like crazy to me, who was supposed to complete the family – and, above all, a lot of love. I felt like I was going through my mom’s flood of emotions all over again, feeling a variety of emotions: gratitude, understanding, compassion, joy and so much more.
If I hadn’t been so captivated by the diaries, I would have wanted to get up after every page and hug my mom. Thanked her. We’ve always had a close connection, but after this it felt deeper and more meaningful. And she has remained that way ever since. It was a gift to be able to read these books that I will never forget – and that can probably never be surpassed.