Inca Bause
This is the most important ingredient in a happy relationship
© Zweisam / Shutterstock
Don’t we all really want “only” one thing for our partnership: That it is happy? But what makes a relationship happy now? We asked love expert and presenter Inka Bause.
If we asked ten experts what is most important for a happy relationship, we would probably get twelve opinions and six and a half times the answer: “It’s not that easy to say.” One thing is clear: the riddle is not that easy to solve.
Some people think that to have a happy relationship we have to work and invest a lot, others think we have to laugh for it. Some say that our dearest person should ideally be our best friend, but experience has shown that if no sparks fly in bed, this usually does not have an overly happiness-promoting effect. Without freedom and self-development, nothing goes clear for most of the people these days, but without commitment there is somehow lack of security. And according to the psychologist Robert Sternberg and his triangular theory of love, it would be helpful if our partnership had the three components of familiarity, passion and commitment.
Ultimately, the secret of happiness in love is probably the sum of all our knowledge divided by the square of the lowest common denominator of the human personality to the power of three – or something like that. In any case, until we have found the formula or the solution, we never tire of asking people who can say something on this subject for their point of view. And one woman who definitely has a lot to contribute is Inka Bause.
Inka Bause: What a relationship needs also depends on age
Since 2005, the Leipzig-based host has been moderating the RTL program “Bauer sucht Frau” and has seen many couples and relationships during this time. Inka has now also coupled with the dating portal “Zweisam.de”, which wants to help people over 50 in particular to find the person with whom they can have a happy relationship. In fact, according to the love messenger, age plays a role that should not be underestimated when it comes to the most important ingredient for a partnership.
“When I’m young, in my twenties, I need a partner with whom the sparks fly, and with whom there can also be points of friction,” says Inka. “If he’s a late riser because of me, but I’m an early bird, that doesn’t bother me, I actually think it’s cool that we both do our thing.” According to her, when it comes to younger people, the proverb “opposites attract” is certainly something to do with it. But that changes with age.
“In the second half of my life it is important that I share habits with my partner. That we have the same interests, that we are related and that we think similarly,” says Inka. Even small details – for example the taste in terms of furnishing style or holiday preferences – could be of great importance. “When a person likes wooden furniture, it is usually not arbitrary, but also tells me something about his or her nature,” says Inka. “All these supposed little things are a mirror of our soul and with all tolerance, I don’t want to discuss too much in this phase of life and rub myself against my partner, one has enough outside of private life. I know a couple who have been discussing for half a year about the type of new living room lamp. ”
Why our demands on a relationship change over the course of our lives
It may not make sense to everyone straight away, but it makes perfect sense after a moment of reflection: In the first few years of our adult lives, we look for inspiration, we want to explore and get to know life and people in all their different facets. We feel like a challenge, find the foreign exciting and appealing. Of course, we will still be curious and open-minded when we are older – but our demands on a relationship will then likely be different.
At some point we no longer want to wear ourselves out and be challenged, but rather arrive and find our peace. At the beginning and in the middle of our self-discovery phase, differences and even opposites can enrich and inspire us. But once we know who we are and what we want, it is particularly important that we no longer have to fight in our relationship. That we have someone by our side with whom we can share as much of our time and life as possible. And by the way, he can be the same person who challenged us in our first half of life …