partnership
According to psychologists: With this skill you improve your relationship
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Empathy, expressiveness, humor – all important skills for a relationship. But according to psychologists, there is another skill that determines happiness or unhappiness in a partnership.
So as not to stir up false hope here: THAT one secret of happy relationships (probably) does not exist. In order to keep a partnership stable, long-term and harmonious, a mixture of trial and error, working on oneself, learning to understand feelings and respecting the person next to you in bed as they are, is more necessary than the talent to crack secret codes. BUT! Fortunately, psychologists, neurologists and other experts never tire of exploring which factors have a positive effect on a relationship – and scientists at the University of Berkeley have found something again. An ability that we haven’t had that much on our list until now.
Feelings under control? Hopefully!
Over a period of 13 years, the researchers worked in a study with married couples examines how the ability to control emotions affects relationship happiness. To this end, they asked the test subjects to discuss a current problem from their partnership in front of the camera at regular intervals. On the basis of the video material, the scientists determined how emotionally or controlled the partners were. In addition, they asked the study participants about their relationship satisfaction – in general and in the specific situation of the discussion.
The result of this long-term study: Couples who had their emotions and feelings well under control were, on average, clearly and demonstrably happier in their partnership than the emotional outburst people. To be more precise: the better and faster the partner managed to catch himself again after experiencing a negative emotion such as anger or being offended, the more satisfied they were in general in the relationship.
Emotions make communication difficult
Another observation of the scientists: inside and ultimately also part of the explanation: Strong, long-lasting emotions stand in the way of solution-oriented and goal-oriented communication. Whoever surrenders to his anger and increases himself into his anger, can neither put himself in the other person’s position, nor – surprise! – see the situation from an unbiased perspective. The result: the problem remains unsolved, and frustration grows.
But does that mean that having too much feeling in the partnership is bad? Not at all! Emotional control is not nearly the same as feeling cold or suppressed! Of course, we can be pissed off at our favorite person and then show him clearly. But it would be better for our relationship if we knew how to get together first of all what exactly annoys us and what we need so that it no longer annoys us. And if we’re honest, it would probably be the same for us.
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