relationship-off
This is the scientifically proven reason why men leave the woman they love
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When relationships break up, we think the reasons are as varied as the people who break up: too incapable of commitment, too insensitive, too dominating, or just drifted apart…
But according to studies by US therapist guru John Gottman, things are a lot simpler. Because relationships fail because of one thing in particular: contempt.
After decades of scientific research observing couples’ interactions to find the most common causes of breakup, Gottman claims he has a 94 percent ability to predict whether a relationship will last or not. And his diagnosis is clear. content, i.e. contempt, contempt or disregard, is the greatest threat to a relationship. For Gottman, observing partners behaving in a contemptuous manner is the surest sign that the relationship will one day break up.
Contempt says, “I’m better than you”
Contempt is shown by disrespectful, sarcastic, mocking, or condescending treatment of the other. Or to make fun, roll your eyes, insult or imitate the other person. For example, it could look like this:
- A partner who values punctuality while always keeping the other person waiting says, “Well, I learned to tell the clock when I was five. When are you going to learn that?”
- Or the couple who keep fighting over sex: “We haven’t had sex in months. Are you too busy flirting with your co-worker? Why don’t you marry her now?”
- “Do you always have to leave your socks lying around?”
- “Do you always have to eat crap like that?”
All of these are behaviors and statements that convey arrogance where eye level is essential. And that is poison for the love relationship. Contempt prevents conflicts from being resolved because the belittled partner will fight back or withdraw. And go sometime.
The men leave without notice
Contemptuous behaviors are toxic to relationships and self-esteem. Until one:r has to go to protect himself – even if the love is still there. But while women tend to fight for the relationship and seek conversation, men often withdraw without a word. This was the result of a study by “Elitepartner”. “A man endures secretly and with a thick skin,” says relationship coach Silvia Fauck. Until he packs his bags and leaves. But it doesn’t have to come to that.
The antidote
It’s not always easy to train oneself out of one’s own contempt. One should try all the more to cultivate an antidote: According to Gottman, the most effective antidote is a relationship culture of affection and admiration. It doesn’t happen overnight either, but a couple can actively work on doing small, positive things for each other every day – giving affection, hugging, complimenting, setting down tea. I’m sure you can think of something to save your love.
Sources used: www.gottman.com, Psychology Today, Elitepartner