An American scientist wanted to know "How can I fall in love?" and tried Arthur Aron's 36 love questions.
Is it magic when two people fall in love? Biology? Or just strategy? So far, no one has been able to say exactly why two people suddenly feel connected.
However, the American scientist Arthur Aron was convinced that he had come very close to the solution. Already in 1997 he published the report "The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings" with 36 questions, of which he said: When two unknown people ask these questions for 45 minutes and then look them in the eye for four minutes – then they are in love. Both participants have to take turns reading out a question, answering it themselves and then having the other answer the same question. Then the deep look comes into the eyes. According to his theory, love can be strategically planned. Or at least build an emotional bond with each other. He tested his questions on people and found that almost everyone had gotten significantly closer.
Almost 18 years later, the American university lecturer Mandy Len Catron remembered Arthur Aron's questions and tried the method spontaneously after working with a colleague she knew only briefly from sports. The result: the two fell in love. She wrote about her experiment in the "New York Times". "Because the questions were moving very slowly to areas where we were exposing our vulnerable pages, we didn't notice how intimate we were talking to each other now. A process that usually takes weeks or months." Mandy Len Catron describes that she often presented a picture of herself to unknown people that she planned carefully. Arthur Aron's questions allowed her to be more authentic. As for the moment they looked into each other's eyes, she says: "The special thing was not that I really saw someone at that moment, but that I saw a person who perceived me as I am."
The American is not sure whether it was solely due to Arthur Aron's questions that they fell in love. But she is convinced that love not only happens to you, but is a process that you can support. "We fell in love because we chose to be in love."
Arthur Aron's 36 love questions
If you could choose one person in the world: Who would you like to have as a guest for dinner?
Would you like to be famous? In which way?
Have you ever rehearsed what you want to say on the phone before calling someone? Why?
How would you describe a perfect day?
When was the last time you sang for yourself? For someone else?
If you could live to be 90 and from the age of 30 you could either keep the body or mind of a 30 year old for the remaining 60 years, which would you choose?
Do you have a secret premonition of how you're going to die?
Name three things that you and your counterpart seem to have in common.
Which aspect of your life are you most thankful for?
If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
Take four minutes to tell your partner as much of your life story as possible.
If you could wake up tomorrow and choose a skill or quality that you have gained, what would it be?
If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
Is there something you have been dreaming about for a long time? Why haven't you done it yet?
What is the greatest achievement of your life?
What do you value most in a friendship?
What is your most precious memory?
What is your worst memory
If you knew you were going to die suddenly in a year, would you change anything about the way you live now? Why?
What does friendship mean to you?
What role do love and affection play in your life?
Alternately tell each other what positive qualities your counterpart has. Name a total of five traits.
How close is your family? Do you feel that your childhood was happier than that of most other people?
What is the relationship with your mother like?
Make three true "we" statements about you. For example "We are in this room right now and feel …"
Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone I could tell that …"
If your counterpart became a close friend of yours, what should he know about you?
Tell your counterpart what you like about them. Be honest and also say things you wouldn't normally say to someone you just met.
Share an embarrassing moment in your life with your counterpart.
When was the last time you cried in front of another person? When was the last time you cried alone?
Tell your counterpart what you already like about them.
What – if anything – is too serious to be joking about?
If you died tonight without being able to speak to anyone, what would you most regret not saying to someone? Why didn't you tell the person yet?
Your house, in which everything you own is located, is on fire. After you have saved your family and pets, there is still enough time to save one thing from the house. What would that be? Why?
Of all the people in your family – whose death would take you the most?
Share a personal problem with your partner and ask them how they would solve it. Also ask your partner how they feel about the problem.