Singles in lockdown: Dating in the pandemic will be easier

“Love is systemically relevant”, the authors Julia Becker and Roland Rödermund are sure of. The two friends wrote a Corona romance novel under the pseudonym Juli Rothmund. In “Far in Love”, the main characters Lennard and Jella struggle with lockdown, life as a single during a pandemic and with feelings for each other that are growing stronger. In an interview with the star Rödermund and Becker reveal why it turned out to be a love story and not an end-of-time thriller, why dating even has advantages during the pandemic and what they themselves have learned as single people.

You wrote the first Corona romance novel. The pandemic is more suitable for an end-of-time thriller. Why didn’t it become one?

Julia Becker: I think it had mainly to do with the need for a ray of hope that Roland and I – and probably many others – had. The end-of-time thriller was on the news every day. So in the beginning escapism was more the trend. But you can’t get distracted forever. That’s why we wanted to write something that had to do with reality, but also had a glimmer of hope.

Roland Rödermund: For everyone who was not in a relationship, physical longing was and is of course a big issue. And clearly one asked oneself questions like: Will I ever get to know someone again? Being single has meant that one then imagined a situation more like the one in the book: Under very difficult conditions, but still romantic, as with our protagonists Lennard and Jella. It quickly became clear to us that the consequences of the pandemic would keep us busy for a long time and that it would change us as a society. In spite of this, or perhaps because of it, we wanted to tell something positive.

The population is Corona-tired. Why should you read the book anyway?

Becker: I think we managed to tell something realistic and very topical with the story. This is exactly what is probably happening to many people right now. I’ve read that dating apps are becoming very popular. But communication there is changing. People talk to each other longer, more deeply and intensely. I found that very interesting, because that’s exactly what happens to both of them in the book. They use the media and encounter each other with a different intensity than perhaps normal.

Rödermund: Of course we were concerned with the question of whether anyone would like to read this and whether the story is still explosive now, a year later. And we think she has. With its ups and downs, the story also offers enough positive things that can get you thinking differently. Even if it happens against the background of Corona.

How and when did the idea come about?

Rödermund: Julia and I are very close friends and also exchanged a lot at the beginning of the pandemic, about zoom, voice messages and so on. And of course we talked a lot about the situation. We discussed what all of this does to our lives – and also wondered how people fall in love with each other if they can’t meet. In early summer we thought: Okay, let’s write a romance novel in times of Corona!

Becker: I think that being single and being alone in the pandemic received far too little attention. Also on the part of politics, if you consider that in between it was considered whether you could only stay in your own household. Singles were often not taken into account. Because we were both not in a relationship at the time, that was exactly what preoccupied us.

Rödermund: How many people live in Germany alone, around 16 million? Chronic loneliness naturally plays a huge role here. Sure, everyone has their own problems with Corona, as a single you don’t have to school three children and work from home on the side. Single people tend to have the problem: How do I maintain my contacts? Am I doing all these self-care routines now? To put it very simply: How do I not go completely crazy on my own? These questions are also included in the book.

What did you find out in the joint discussions?

Becker: We both quickly realized that we communicate differently. Be it with friends or with old acquaintances with whom you have made contact again. The essentials were dealt with much faster. You take a closer look and see more quickly whether it suits people or not. We believe there is a change in the subject of getting to know each other. Because at the moment you have to assume that it will continue like this for a longer period of time.

Virtual dates, no hugs, distance, that’s our everyday life. “After that” it can only go in two directions: Either you hug everything and everyone, or you get a little weird socially. What does Corona do to all of our love lives, especially that of singles?

Rödermund: At first I would not have thought that I would miss so little to hug everything and everyone. Would I have been told that two years ago, I would have said without physical contact? I die, I can’t stand it, I die like a primrose. In the meantime we have already internalized the not hugging, keeping our distance. We can no longer imagine going to parties with 100 people again, or even to festivals. It’s like from a completely different time. Some say that once everyone is vaccinated it will be the same as it used to be. But maybe we will all get totally prudish and aloof?

Becker: I think we’ll take a closer look. Check more closely. That is what we have just learned: you have to organize your contacts well. Think carefully about meeting someone and consider whether you want to touch them. But I’m very optimistic about that, I think this will be a good change. We don’t get prudish, but we may be more careful.

Rödermund: Probably some will become less hedonistic and others will dance even more on the volcano.

Maybe the Roaring Twenties after all. How did you yourself experience dating and love life during Corona?

Becker: Crazy enough, I actually met an old friend virtually again. We know each other from before and started writing to each other on Facebook. Suddenly it had a completely different intensity and quality than years ago. At first I thought it was friendly. Then we met for coffee in the summer when they were allowed to and we are now a couple. So I made this experience myself. Of course, that influenced me while I was writing, even though it wasn’t so clear to me at first.

Before, you chatted about nothing for a long time, now it got down to the essentials faster?

Becker: Yes, at least that’s how I experienced it. It is just important not to create a dream image. The danger is when you literally can’t smell, see, or touch one another.

Rödermund: I am in an unusually slow phase of getting to know each other. In the first lockdown, I was freshly separated, and even if that sounds pathetic now, I really did have a love affair with myself afterwards. I mean: I spent more time alone than ever before and I enjoyed it too. I temporarily moved to my old home in the country, was in the forest every day, just sat there, watched animals for hours and wrote. For the first time in my life I didn’t have a FOMO, so I didn’t feel like I would like to be somewhere else because I’m missing something. I noticed: I can get along really well with myself. Okay, that was a little more magical in the first lockdown than the second, or now the third. But it changed me forever.

This crisis situation is not easy as a single or as a couple.

Becker: I’ve noticed this with some couples, especially with children. It was like a vacation with constant rain. You have a lot of time together, maybe grow together, but at some point it just gets on your nerves and it comes to a warehouse fever. For some couples, the situation welded together. For others, what used to be a minor point of friction suddenly emerged as a serious difficulty.

The main characters – Lennard and Jella – deal with the Corona rules very differently. What was the intention behind it and in whom do you recognize yourself more?

Rödermund: We were and are both very careful. More like Lennard on that point. For a love story, of course, it has its charm that the two are different and interpret the requirements differently for themselves. But they not only behave in opposite directions with regard to Corona, they are fundamentally different.

Becker: It quickly became clear to us what kind of personalities they were and that at first they didn’t like each other at all. For us the question was exciting: How do such different characters deal with this situation? And do the differences only become apparent when you meet someone who is completely different?

And would they even find each other without Corona?

Rödermund: Maybe they would have had a one night stand and that was it. Then maybe they wouldn’t have had a chance.

Becker: Also because Jella might have flipped to the next guy in the next bar and wouldn’t have had time to get to know Lennard. To have the patience to really get to know someone – that is something new from this time for them too.

Do you have any advice for lockdown singles looking for a partner? What should be important?

Becker: Be mercilessly honest, also with yourself. Say clearly what you want and what is out of the question. Don’t be dazzled by the beautiful photos. I really think it will be easier to sort. To see: something does not fit in with the values. So write down larifari in front of you, you can do that for a few days. But for most people, existential questions have arisen now, in times of pandemic and the fear of disease, the fear of death. We are closer to our values ​​and we should stand by them.

Rödermund: As an urban middle-aged single, you could always distract yourself well, for example with one-night stands and affairs – but that has largely disappeared. And the time for more superficial banter may now be over. One asks oneself more urgently: Who do I take care of, who is there for me and who is really important to me when it matters?

This article originally appeared on stern.de.

ls / star