Slow sex emerged in the United States, theorized in 2013 in Diana Richardson’s work “Slow Sex: making love consciously” and exported to France for several years in 2019 by Anne Descombes and Jean-François Descombes .
What is slow sex?
It is an invitation to “slow down for a fully conscious sexuality to welcome and give”, explains Diane Deswarte, sexologist. “When we take more time, we enjoy the moment more, there is more connection with others because the sensations are increased tenfold. » By instilling this idea of slowness in sexual relations, we take the time to also listen to the senses such as touch, vision, etc. “The excitement is building little by little. We then become much more than “penetrated” and “penetrating”. It is in no way about performance when practicing slow sex but it is relaxation and connection that are at the center,” underlines the sexologist.
Making love consciously: how to get started?
It’s not always easy to slow down, especially in our hectic and ultra-connected daily lives. To get started in the practice of slow sex, you must first be a little curious, listen to podcasts, immerse yourself in the concept, or even talk about it with a professional. “Once curiosity is satisfied, we can try. The ideal is to create a context where we feel good, where we will not be disturbed,” advises Diane Deswarte. “At first, it may seem strange because you’re breaking away from what you’re used to doing, but you also learn through repetition. »
Slow sex is above all a philosophy, an invitation to slow down, a form of meditation, you can put a little into sex when you start before fully integrating this practice. “It’s interesting for all couples, whether during a meeting or after a few years or even postpartum,” underlines the sex therapist. “But the ideal is when the weather is nice and warm. “Slow sex invites us to see each other’s bodies.” And is therefore not very compatible with duvets and freezing temperatures. The idea is to stay in the present moment with your partner, to multiply the caresses and to leave aside this injunction to orgasm which is not the objective just like penetration.
What are the benefits of slow sex for the couple?
The benefits for lovers are multiple. This sexual relationship can be for some the pinnacle of carnal pleasure.
· Pleasure
“It’s all about the senses, slow sex can allow you to have more pleasure”, underlines Diane Deswarte.
· Allow quality time
For couples who have been together for many years, sexuality may no longer be a priority over time. According to the professional, slow sex “allows couples and sexuality to be put back on the list of things to do” and to allocate moments to favor this connection.
· The connection
Thanks to its slow pace and very sensual relationship, slow sex can allow lovers to find themselves and reconnect with their partner’s body. “It creates a connection that can be emotional and intellectual,” adds the sexologist. “It also strengthens communication by being more connected. » The result is a more fulfilled couple with fewer conflicts.
Before concluding : “Sexuality is not performance but feeling and pleasure. Slowing down is virtuous because we generally go way too fast. »