According to the triangle theory of love, the nature and stability of our relationships depend on three components and how strong they are in each case. What does the model mean for your partnership? Find out here!
Many clever people have tried to understand love and grasp its essence – and even if there is no formula or definition with which we could fully describe this complex phenomenon: Some at least have very exciting and enlightening things about it perhaps the most beautiful and strongest found out what can connect people with each other.
The triangle theory of love according to Robert Sternberg
For example, the American psychologist Robert Sternberg developed the so-called "triangular model of love" in the 80s, with which he tries to describe and classify our relationships and partnerships on the basis of three criteria or components:
- "Passion" – passion: Am I attracted to someone? Do i like it when he touches me? Do I want to be touched by him?
- "Intimacy" – familiarity: How close do I feel to this person? Can I confide in him, let myself fall, give myself for who I am?
- "Commitment": Am I ready to commit to this person? Do I want to do everything I can to make our relationship last? Can I rely on him – and he on me?
In Sternberg's model, these three components form the corner points of a triangle that is supposed to represent our relationship – only when all three elements are present is it complete and we are united by perfect love with the person in question, or "consummate love", as Sternberg says . If, on the other hand, one of the three corners is missing or even several are missing, it is a different form of love – the psychologist distinguishes the following variants based on his model:
- "Non Love" – non-love: None of the three components are present
- "Liking / friendship"– Like / friendship: There is the component of familiarity between us and the person concerned
- "Infatuated love" – infatuation: We feel passion and lust for the person
- "Empty love"– empty love: We are bound to a person and feel obliged to him, e.g. B. because we are married, but otherwise emotionally and physically distanced from each other
- "Romantic love" – romantic love: Here the components of passion and familiarity are fulfilled, only the commitment is missing
- "Companionate love" – comradely love: If we feel emotionally close to a person and also perceive our relationship as binding, Sternberg speaks of comradely love. Some older couples lead this type of partnership, where physical pleasure has taken a back seat.
- "Fatuous Love"– simple-minded love: If we feel physically attracted to someone and therefore marry them directly or move in with them, this is, according to Sternberg's model, a simple-minded love that consists of the components commitment and passion.
- "Consummate love"– perfect love: All criteria from Sternberg's model are met. We enjoy physical closeness, feel close and familiar to one another and are ready to invest in our relationship and hold onto it, even when it gets difficult.
What does Sternberg's triangular model bring us?
Of course, Sternberg's triangle theory is "only" a model that simplifies and breaks down love. Nevertheless, it can help us to better classify and understand our own relationship – because the components are actually important elements of a partnership. What about my commitment to my partner? Can we rely on each other or do we just enjoy our emotional closeness and great sex?
Perhaps not all key points are equally important to some of us. Perhaps, for example, some do not place so much emphasis on the physical aspect – then love is more comradely or its triangle is not equilateral. Ultimately, it doesn't matter what kind of relationship we have, as long as we and our partner are happy with it. So it doesn't really matter how crooked or imperfect our triangle is – the only thing that matters is that it goes well with that of our partner.