This dad of 2 children, denounces on social networks the sexism he faces at every stage of his children’s lives
This year has been difficult for parents. There have been so many things to juggle whether on the surface or behind the scenes is what is commonly referred to as the “invisible load”. This includes keeping an eye on everything, this mental load represents the organization of everything in the domestic sphere: housework, appointments, shopping, childcare, etc.
But it is important to remember this role is not reserved for moms. A father can (and should) take on his share of invisible tasks. And this dad, in particular, took to Reddit to let off steam and find support.
“I am a man, and my wife and I have 2 young children”, he wrote to prepare the ground. “I work part time, she works full time. So about 3/4 of the time I have the kids.”
This daddy is his family’s primary caregiver, which means he’s the one answering calls from school, doctors, and doing most of the invisible chores that come with being a parent.
Different experiences
Recently, her children were not feeling well, so they had a few more doctor’s appointments.
“The children have had a few little bugs lately, little diseases”, he explained, adding that the child welfare visits all happened at the same time.
“We have therefore been to the doctor more than usual in the past two months”, he revealed. And when it comes to juggling these tasks, “Sometimes I take them, and sometimes my wife takes them”.
But the dad has noticed a tendency when he’s the one who takes the kids to these dates.
“And it’s still the same, as it has been for years”, he explained. “When I take the children to their doctor or nurse practitioner, the visits are nice and pleasant, but also quite short and sweet. ”
The dad wrote that at these appointments he and the doctor “talk for maybe 2 minutes. Then he disappears, and then I get the prescription or whatever I need.”
The problem is, when it’s his wife who takes the kids to the doctors, she doesn’t have the same experience. In fact, his experience is quite the opposite.
“They speak, speak and speak”, he wrote. “About a hundred questions are asked and answered. They discuss in depth the health and development of children.”
“And it’s the same story at the daycare”, he added.
“I do over 80% of the pick-ups and drop-offs. And I initiate chats and ask questions to the daycare leaders. But our discussions are always quick and shallow.”, he added. “And every time my wife does the pickup and drop-off, she learns all kinds of things that they’ll never tell me. And sometimes it’s really things I want to know, like what problems my kids have ”.
An upset father
“Sometimes, like now, it touches me and makes me a little angry”, he shared. “It is discreet but persistent sexism. And I don’t want to be confronted with this subject. So I take it and continue. But it’s frustrating. “
The Reddit community intervened after reading this father’s speech, sharing those sentiments.
“The really funny thing is you still have to put up with this even when there is no mother in the scene “, one Reddit user said.
“I experienced this because I work from home and I had more flexibility than my wife when she was working”, wrote another person.
Parenting is difficult for everyone, and all of this only reinforces how important it can be to have a group of people supporting us. And this equality is good for everyone.
Pauline Gaudry
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