This is how I coped with his delusional thoughts”

A mother’s life like any other… or almost. Cathy54, is the mother of a boy named Pierre, aged 29, diagnosed schizophrenic three years ago. Confronted with her son’s illness “when she didn’t expect it”, she spent years doing her best to support and help him, despite doubts and crises that were difficult to manage. Today she tells us her story.

It all started at the beginning of 1995: Cathy gave birth to her first child, Pierre, at the age of 25. The boy lives a rather classic childhood, alongside his two parents. “He was adorable and very intelligent, he even skipped a grade”, she remembers. It’s during adolescence that everything changes. The young man sees his school results plummet from the 4th grade “without knowing why”. “He withdraws into himself, it’s very difficult to get him to talk”assures his mother, who also mentions some “borderline behavior like all teenagers”.

Doubts: “He blames me for mistreating him”

However, we had to wait until Pierre turned 18, in 2019, for his behavior to really change to the point of becoming worrying. He begins to speak foolishly and behave aggressively. “But I didn’t understand at the time”sighs Cathy. “It became impossible to communicate with him, it was very conflicting at home because we didn’t understand him”she continues, also revealing that the “taking drugs” of his son also ends up “worsen symptoms”.

Between the ages of 20 and 24, “he starts to blame me for having mistreated him when he was little and for never having loved him”sadly remembers the fiftieth anniversary. “Very hard things to hear”according to her, to which he does not give “never explanations”. “He doesn’t say anything anymore”, she laments. Saddened to see her child’s attitude deteriorate, Cathy asks herself questions and constantly doubts.

The shock: “He says that thoughts are in space and penetrate the brains of people”

But the real shock, for her, came in 2019. Pierre is 24 years old. In addition to extremely bizarre speech, he is experiencing hallucinations. “We are no longer even in reality: he tells me, for example, that thoughts are in the air and penetrate people’s brains”she assures, also pointing out “The importance of God” for his son even though his family has never been believers. “He says that God is everywhere and that the problem with our society is that we reject him”she quotes. “It was on this day that I understood that he was truly delusional”.

The mother then thinks for the first time of schizophrenia. “I said to myself: ‘I wish it wasn’t that’”, she admits. She then turns to the father of her son. “He is in total denial, so I find myself all alone”she notes, affirming that she “don’t know how to go about it”. “I know I have to take him to treatment, but where? How to do ?”, asks the mother, who does not want to hospitalize her child by force. She then tries “to send him a message”by pointing out to him, for example, that his behavior may be strange, but he doesn’t want to hear it. “Once, I wanted to take him to see a psychologist but he canceled at the last moment”she laments.

Confirmation: “He is convinced that men want to kill him”

Accusing him of “manipulate”, Pierre completely cuts ties with his mother for a year and a half. He only sends her two messages “absolutely terrible” to tell her that she “will never see him again [sa] life”. “He targets his attacks on me and holds me responsible for his troubles”, laments Cathy. When they reconnect, she realizes that her attacks are worse than before and that her delirium is almost permanent. “He is convinced that they want him dead, that men want to kill him and that he must do everything to escape”she says. “He even thinks that the objects are observing him and giving his trace to the men who want to kill him.” The young man goes so far as to put himself in mortal danger. “I am afraid that he will act out, that he will commit suicide”she fears.

The young man then continued hospitalizations. In 2021, at the end of his third visit to the hospital, he announced to his mother that the doctors had given him the official diagnosis: he did indeed suffer from schizophrenia. “I feel a lot of sadness, but I’m not surprised. It’s even more of a relief: that’s it, he knows it and he’s able to say it”, she says to herself. Unfortunately, this does not prevent Pierre from suffering other delusional phases. “The climax is his fourth hospitalization, under duress this time, in 2022”, reveals his mother. From there, “he accepts that he is in the process of recovery and begins to receive treatment”.

Remission: “He no longer has delusions and hallucinations”

Since then, Pierre has been getting better and better.. “He no longer has delusions and hallucinations”testifies Cathy. “He is enrolled in a rehabilitation center and accepts help from some professionals. He’s thinking about lots of projects!”, she declares proudly. For her part, the mother also comes out of the tunnel little by little.

“It was a long painful crossing, a total collapse. But step by step, I am moving towards the best”, she confides, specifying that she is helped by a psychologist and different associations. As for their mother/son relationship, it is improving day by day. “I am better able to understand it and detect the everyday moments during which it must be valued”she admits, before concluding: “I came out of my fear”.

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Rights of women and children, violence, feminism, gender, discrimination, parenthood, education, psychology, health, couple, sexuality, social networks…. Joséphine loves deciphering all the social issues that drive our world…