psychology
This parenting mistake prevents people from learning to love themselves
© Egor Fomin / Shutterstock
How well we deal with crises has a lot to do with self-love. And this is where some parents make a critical parenting mistake.
Crises and difficult phases are part of life. Be it the corona pandemic, which has now been going on for almost two years, separations and family conflicts or difficulties at work. But so that we can survive such times well and maybe even emerge stronger from them, we need psychological resilience – and that is based in many ways on self-love.
Self-love as a crisis helper: You are good the way you are
Self-love creates a deep inner knowing that we are good enough for who we are. It doesn’t matter whether we’re celebrating professional success or going through a divorce. The external circumstances and our achievements have nothing to do with our worth as humans. Anchoring this feeling and this security deep within us is essential in order to be able to defy the storms of life. And ideally, we learn that as children.
“The first few years are central to the development of psychological resilience,” explains Miriam Prieß, a doctor who focuses on anxiety, depression and burnout, to the “Business Insider”. It confirms that the relationship that we have with our parents in the first few years of life and that they set an example for us, has a massive influence on our view of ourselves. Parents should treat their children with loving interest from the start; they should open up to them and not push them into a role.
Parents need to convey their unconditional human worth to their children
Many parents unconsciously suggest to their children that they will only be loved, or at least more, if they behave in a certain way, for example if they are “nice”. With such statements and educational methods, however, parents lay the foundation for their children to repeat these patterns in their later relationships and in difficult situations. Instead, an eye-to-eye encounter is necessary so that children learn that they don’t have to change in order to be loved. Her parents’ benevolence should not be conditional.
“In order for us to be open to ourselves, to be able to show compassion towards ourselves and others and to develop self-love, our parents have to show us: The way you are, you are good. Not everything you do is good – but you, you are good “, continues Miriam Prieß. This distinction between our unconditional value as a person and our actions and also what happens to us is important so that we as adults can practice self-love and are more resilient in dealing with defeat and conflict.
Source used: businessinsider.com