What love means to us in detail is largely determined by our experiences and observations. With our author, for example, the relationship between her parents decisively shaped her image of love.
As a child, I hardly ever thought about my parents' relationship or questioned what connects them and how they relate to each other. Also for her story, e.g. B. I wasn't particularly interested in getting to know them and how they got together. I am now more mature and more reflective (I think!) And I realize that my parents have shaped my idea of love to a great extent – and that I am responsible for deeply believing that true love exists.
3 love lessons I learned from my parents
1. Love has no rules
With my parents, almost everything came together that, according to experts, should not come together if you want to have a long, happy relationship:
- My mother was the first woman my father really fell in love with – and it is said that you have to love twice before you are ready for lifelong love.
- My parents are very different regarding B. on their level of education, their beliefs, their interests, their strategies for dealing with conflicts etc. – and it is said that the more similar one is in these points, the better and more promising for the relationship.
- My parents' relationship started out of an initially secret affair – and it is said that affairs are usually only affairs.
According to statistics, my parents should have separated after a maximum of a few years together, but in fact they were together for almost 40 years and were inseparable – until my dad died in 2017. What I learn from it: If your feeling says it's right and fitting, nothing else matters.
2. It doesn't matter how it looks as long as it works
Before I was born, my parents certainly had a very romantic time – at least that is shown by old letters and photos from back then. But the much larger part of their relationship, the almost 30 years that I have seen, was – well – not exactly instagramable, you could say. For example, my parents hardly ever went on dates or put us children somewhere so that they had time for themselves. My father often went to the beach alone in the summer and we occasionally flew on vacation without him while he was working. Roses? Romance? Passion? I didn't get much of it as a child. My parents didn't even wear wedding rings. For this they had their rituals, e.g. For example, they always played together, watched certain programs on television, etc. On special occasions such as birthdays and Mother's Day, my father brought my mother home-picked flowers – preferably daisies, her favorite flowers. And my mother cooked him his favorite food. It was little things that meant something to the two, with which they made each other happy and showed their love. My parents apparently did not need large, romantic gestures or gifts of the kind known from films and series.
3. Those who love each other would rather go through hell as a couple than through paradise alone
Unfortunately, my parents' retirement was different than planned: Immediately after my father sold his doctor's office to enjoy his retirement, he became ill. As a result, all their dreams and plans – traveling together, maybe living somewhere semi-annually where it's nice – were dashed. Instead, they went through some very difficult times, but they only welded them together moren. Honestly: At first I took it for granted that my mother would stay with my father and take care of him. But when I look around, I realize that it is not. I know so many couples that broke up when it became difficult for one of the partners and the other had to put up with it. The man suddenly sits in a wheelchair due to an accident, so his partner leaves him to the nursing home and lives alone in the common house. Another has to look after his parents in need of care, so his girlfriend packs her things and looks for someone else. My parents would never have let them down, they always held together. And at the latest when I saw my mother cry, when my father died, I understood why.