Being a parent is complicated and it is far from being a long quiet river. And being about to crack isn’t being a bad parent, it’s perfectly human, and it happens to almost all parents. Fortunately, there are solutions to catch your breath and reconnect with your child.
From small worries to big problems, the solutions to find when you fall for your children are not always innate. So what do you do when you are overwhelmed and you have the impression that you are facing an impassable wall? Above all, do not think that “the problem comes from us” or that it is too complicated and that we are never going to get there and let ourselves sink into dark ideas.
Because yes, parental burnout does exist and, every year, many mothers and many fathers are confronted with it. If it is still taboo in France – to such an extent that we do not yet have quantitative studies on the extent of the phenomenon at the national level – we know that, among our Belgian neighbors, more than 8% of parents say they have had a parental burnout. So, in order not to come to this and find a healthy and peaceful family life, solutions exist to help parents in distress. Some little tips that can unlock situations easily. You still have to know them …
5 tips from Clémence Castel for more family peace
Clémence Castel, The double winner of Koh Lanta confides to us having known these difficulties and having carried out a training which helped her to find the place of mother that she wanted to be“I did a parenting coaching course to help me when my sons were 1 and a half and 3 and a half. I was often alone with them and sometimes, faced with their crises, I had reactions that did not I didn’t like it, I couldn’t control myself and I wanted to find solutions to be in tune with my role as a mother as I saw it. “
For us, she shares 5 tips to put in place to restore serene and peaceful communication with her children.
1- Note what is good and compliment
We naturally have a habit of pointing out everything that is wrong with the child… On average, we make them 9 reproaches for 1 compliment. The idea to ease the tensions between parents and children is now to pick up what is good. The idea is not to tell him all day long that he is the strongest but to show him with simple and fair words that you notice what he does well on a daily basis! for example by saying to him “I see that you are very diligent, and that you do not overflow in your coloring”. The child then feels valued, and capable of doing beautiful things. It also allows you to show him that you care about what he is doing.
In practice : Try to give your child about ten compliments a day (at meals, for clothing, when brushing teeth, doing homework, in the car, on a walk, etc.)
2- Make clear rules
It is important to be applied that the rules are clear, expressed in words that the child understands! And don’t hesitate to have him repeat these rules to make sure he understands correctly!
In practice : Stand at the height of a child to speak to him and give him one instruction at a time.
3- Validate the rules together
Once the rules have been said, it is important to give them sustainability so that they are anchored in the life of the family in the long term and that the children have time to integrate them and put them into practice.
In practice : Write or print the rules on a dedicated sheet. Make sure that all family members agree and validate by signing, then display your document for all to see to allow a quick call to order if a few rules are forgotten.
4- Provide a framework in which children can make decisions within their reach
It is not a question of “giving limits” to a child but rather of giving him a framework in which he can evolve, giving him the right to decide certain things. On this subject, do not hesitate to use “the restricted choice”, that is to say, to give him the choice between two outfits to go to school, two drinks for his breakfast or two books to read at the time. calm weather.
In practice : Do not tell him “dress” but “to dress, you prefer to put on your green pants or your jeans?” (two items of clothing that you will have pre-selected depending on the weather or Bibou’s activities during the day).
5- take time
Spend quality time with the child: 15 minutes a day is enough, but above all, make sure that your attention is focused on him around an activity that you both enjoy during this dedicated time.
In practice : Put down your phone (and do not touch it during the 15 minutes) to devote yourself only to your child and share a special moment together. Reading, games, walking, cycling, bathing, cooking, talking … it’s up to you to decide what you want.
Don’t stay isolated
An essential point when you experience difficulties with your child is not to withdraw into yourself while ruminating and telling yourself that if you don’t succeed, then you are necessarily the worst parent in the world. Do not hesitate to talk about it and for that, many solutions are available to you:
- Join a parent group on Facebook, it makes you feel less alone
- Tell your friends
- Contact us Parents in distress associationtarget = “_ blank”>
- Talk to a parental coach
- And why not contact a psychologist who will be able to listen to you and guide you?
Responsible for parenting for the aufeminin site, Nathalie is at your side to inform you about the essentials of parents’ life but also and above all to advise you, …