For many, being single is above all an undesirable state between their partnerships. Our author, on the other hand, values her single life very much, because she has learned a lot from it – also and especially for her future relationships.
Yes, yes, I know. Being single is seen as a kind of "disorder" in our society.
Why else would there be an official "single Awareness Day "(but none "Couples Awareness Day"!)? Why else would a gene variant, the carrier of which has inhibited happiness hormone production, be called a "single gene"? And why else would people who I tell that I've been single for three years always ask me pretty quickly: "How come you've been single for so long?"
Well, this "disturbance" seems to be good for me. Because in my time as a single I have already learned a few lessons that I haven't learned in my relationships before.
7 things I learned as a permanent single
1. I don't need a partner at all
Let the air out of the heater, change the shower head, attach the bicycle bell to the handlebars – I can do everything by myself. Going to the cinema, cooking something delicious, going out, traveling – everything works great on its own! That I as a single you can do, manage and enjoy everything just as well can be like having a partner by my side, I only really realized when I tried it out. Knowing that, in turn, gives me that incredibly great feeling of independence and self-confidence, which I will certainly not leave in my future relationships either. Besides, if there is something that I cannot do alone: why are there helpful neighbors or friends …?
2. A partnership alone will never be enough for me
In partnerships, many people tend to focus on their partner and neglect friends and family in the process – so did I before. On the one hand, as a permanent single, I experienced how beautiful and enriching a large, diverse network of social relationships is. And on the other hand, how shit it feels to be the neglected yourself. Therefore it is clear to me: My next partnership will only be one of many important relationships in my life!
3. Self-love is the prerequisite for being able to love others
I know this is known to most. But it never was for me really Sure, before I've made friends with myself as a single and experienced what self-love feels like. I now even know that all my relationships so far have failed because I just didn't love myself (unconditionally) enough. As with myself, I have made demands on my partners that no one can meet, instead of loving and accepting them (and me) for who they are. In the meantime I am much more gentle and appreciative of myself and could probably do the same with a partner.
4. I can't always compromise
Now that I've known how nice it is to have one hundred percent control of your own head, I won't give up this privilege anytime soon. Of course, in my next relationships I will consider my partner's needs, respond to them and make the compromises that are necessary. But I make it up to myself not to back off too often, especially not with things that are important to me. Ultimately, that wouldn't be good for the relationship either.
5. Even with the right partner, a relationship does not go by itself
Of course, when I was single I also thought about past relationships and realized: I've definitely been with the right person. It was just the wrong time (twice!) (and I could say exactly why, but that would lead us too far). I think if we tried again now it could go really well. In any case, I would be open and ready for it …
6. Flirting is great, but harmless
I think it's great to be able to flirt freely with every interesting person! In any case, flirting lifts my mood almost (!) As reliably as vanilla ice cream with cookie dough. But honestly: I flirt with so many and none of them mean anything to me. They are all more or less a means to an end (they make me feel good) and most of them are guaranteed to be mutual. So as long as my next partner is loyal to me, I wouldn't mind if the two of us allowed each other a harmless flirt every now and then. ?♀️
7. I don't have to look for my dream man
All of my experiences as a single have resulted in the fact that I currently don't have the feeling that I have to go actively and with great effort to find a partner. I think I would be ready for a relationship by now (for the first time in my life) and am therefore quite open to promising acquaintances. But I don't have to rush into the next best partnership for the devil. I don't want to try anymore to make something suitable – I want to try something suitable! And now I have the necessary self-confidence and the patience to wait for it.
Video tip: 7 signs you don't love yourself enough