Have you ever wanted to cry after having sex? You may have "postcoital dysphoria" or post-sex blues, a little known but not so rare phenomenon that occurs after sex.
Postcoital dysphoria is a little known condition, but ultimately not so rare, about which it is difficult to get concrete information. It is characterized by a feeling of great sadness, melancholy, aggressiveness or loneliness, which one experiences after sexual intercourse.
A little known and taboo phenomenon
Usually the symptoms "occur a few minutes after the end of the report", explains sex therapist Claire Alquier. "Postcoital dysphoria is not at all synonymous with a relationship that would have been traumatic, unpleasant or unpleasant. It is something that arises and is beyond the person. Often times, it is incomprehensible to the person experiencing it. , as for the partner ", she specifies.
For some people, postcoital dysphoria would not necessarily have a negative impact, and would be the result of intense communion or fusion. A great sense of attachment can also lead to tears. According to a study by Queensland Institute of Technology published by the Journal of Sexual Medicine in October 2015, 46% of women had already suffered from "sex blues", that is to say from post-lovemaking sadness. For 5.1% of them, this feeling is recurrent. One of the main reasons mentioned by the study is the feeling of abandonment.
"It's something that we don't talk about very much. There are a lot of people to whom this can happen who don't really understand, are embarrassed, think they have a problem. Yet there is a term that describes this phenomenon. We see that there is a big taboo on it ", tells us the sex therapist. In question, the fact of feeling negative reactions during sex, generally synonymous with pleasure and happiness.
What are the causes of postcoital dysphoria?
Postcoital dysphoria remains poorly understood and little studied. Scientists believe it may be due to genetic or physiological factors, such as hormonal imbalance. The sudden drop in neurotransmitters secreted during intercourse and orgasm (especially oxytocin, the attachment hormone, but also endorphins, serotonin, etc.) is often mentioned. Other studies speak of psychological factors. Some argue that it may be caused by a resurgence of trauma, such as sexual abuse, others suggest hypersensitivity or a very strong fusion during the act that leads to a feeling of abandonment after lovemaking.
"The stress, the anxiety, the stakes that we put in the relationship that is playing out … All of this is very important contexts that are part of the sexual equation", confirms Claire Alquier. In most cases, the blues after sex is okay and can be played down. "On the other hand, if it is systematic, it can have a link with trauma, which will create this divide between the pleasure felt and the trauma in question, conscious or unconscious", she specifies.
How to talk about it to his or her partner?
"Talking about it with a professional can also make it possible to talk about it with his or her partner", says Claire Alquier. The blues after sex leaves both the person feeling it and his or her partner
destitute. "If you are lucky enough to have a caring, trusting and balanced relationship, the role of the partner can be very valuable," she adds. The dialogue will make it possible not to experience this as a guilt or something abnormal, both for the person who is experiencing it, and for his or her partner. "The partner can open the discussion on this, and remember that it may be good to talk to someone outside who can either disentangle the psych side with potentially the trauma, or unravel the more physiological side. which could be a harbinger of something else ".
Thanks to Claire Alquier, sex therapist and couple therapist, clairealquier.com