“You always complain!” Why all women hate this phrase

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“You always complain!” Why we hate this phrase

Friends (and husbands), let’s speak plainly. Or to put it in your own words: let’s grumble again. There is one sentence that you love to say. So often that it gushes out of both ears at the same time: “You always complain!” Oh, you really like to say that. But yes, today we finally want to take a stand. So we complain. Always and only. We have a little something to say about that.

What is complaining anyway?

Let’s politely overlook the “always” and “just” nonsense. Any communication expert would throw these two words around your ears because they are utter nonsense and simply not true. But as I said – let’s leave that aside and get to the point. We complain. We do that sometimes, you’re right. According to Duden, grumbling means “to complain about something and angrily express your dissatisfaction” and it cannot be denied, we definitely do. We’ll get to that later, why we grumble, but there remains the question: Why is grumbling a problem for you? Don’t you like us to be dissatisfied? Don’t you like us bothering you with our opinion? Or do you not like the tone? Let’s work it off in the following order:

If you don’t like us being dissatisfied

You want satisfied women. We understand that. Really. We would also rather be always satisfied. The fact is, however, that women around the world do four hours and 29 minutes of unpaid work every day, i.e. housework, childcare, honorary positions, etc. Men, on the other hand, do not even take care of things for two hours a day for which their account does not fill up. To put it bluntly: In many families, the reality unfortunately looks a bit like an advertising poster from the 1950s. At least depending on the situation. And that makes us grumpy. But what is even more exhausting is the so-called mental load in a family and it is undisputed in most relationships to a large extent as a huge imaginary “I-have-to-think-of-it-list” in women’s brains. We are the ones who think about children’s birthdays, plan holiday care in good time, book the vacation, have parents’ evenings on our radar, correct homework, buy toilet paper before it’s empty and know when the organic rubbish is picked up. Switching off is not for us, because not thinking is dangerous. We are like small nuclear power plants. As soon as we switch off, everything goes up. BÄM! So we keep the balls in the air mentally and yes, if you then completely chill next to us, we complain. Out of pure envy. What can you do about it? Think along! Assure us with a fair marriage contract that we will get a good chunk of your pension, put out the shitty organic bin by ourselves (and not only on announcement) and not say you would help if we say what you should do. Damn it for yourself. So we can switch off! Then you are welcome to complain. It is granted to you!

If you don’t like us to speak up

Welcome to the Federal Republic of Germany in 2019. EVEN women have the right to express their opinion these days. If in doubt, you can also read it again in the Basic Law. Article 3 Paragraph 1. You’re welcome.

If you don’t like our tone of voice

Then you are right. Sometimes it’s not nice. The thing is, we’re angry, and very angry. Especially about the fact that we are the complaining woman again. We don’t really want that. But juggling all the balls in the air is incredibly exhausting. We are tired of caring, of being patient, of all the to-dos in our head. We are tired of not being allowed to switch off and that makes us irritated. But let’s make a deal: take half the mental load, keep track of what’s going on in the family, appreciate all our unpaid work and then you can confidently put your feet up without fear of a nagging attack. What we actually want is a partner on an equal footing. One who knows what’s going to happen every day. One who doesn’t always rely on us. Someone who says thank you for doing the laundry. We promise to be quite tame again immediately! Because no, we don’t enjoy complaining either.

Barbara