“Don’t be so demanding!”
Single women can no longer hear these sentences
© Astrid Kasimir
the Book author Gunda Windmüller is single – and happy with it. She is angry that some people think she is incomplete without a man. A guest post on the subject of single shaming.
by Gunda Windmüller
“You have to hold on, you won’t get any younger either.” “Why don’t you do online dating?” “I don’t understand how someone so pretty can’t find a man”. “You also want to have children and a house”. “You’re just too demanding!”: Every single woman, and I make every bet, knows such sentences. In fact, we know them very well because we often hear them. From good friends, relatives, colleagues, neighbors and even from the gynecologist without asking.
Not meant badly, but still annoying
These sentences are usually not meant to be bad, but they are still annoying. And huge. Because they assume that we single women are mainly: You are not completely complete. You are missing something. And you’re obviously too stupid to fix this deficiency yourself. What’s the matter with you
And hey presto, thanks to this well-intentioned advice, you can feel like the leftover lettuce leaves in the fresh food counter. The ones that are only good for one thing: rabbit food. Thank you
Many of us single women are happy
Anyone who constantly points out to single women that there is a man-sized gap in their lives is not really taking them seriously. And that can hurt. On the one hand, you can only pity people for a certain amount of time without them ever starting to do it themselves. And on the other hand, it is also the case that many of us single women are very happy. Because we have a good life. A life with many great relationships with friends, family, job, hopefully health, and sex too. How about if we talk about the life we have? And not what we are supposed to be missing. Not always just “what are the men doing?”, But rather: What does the job do, where do you go on vacation, what does your sponsored child do?
There is a social problem behind this
But behind all these sentences of pity there is not only a personal, but also a social problem. Because it shows that we women still do not get the same recognition as men. As a man you can be a great pike as a single. Do you remember how George Clooney was celebrated for his dazzling single life? Jennifer Aniston, on the other hand, poor Jen, is always reduced to what she doesn’t (anymore) have: a man.
We should start opposing this view of women. Let’s start with being single. Because we singles have whole lives. One man doesn’t make us complete. We ARE complete.
And that regardless of whether we still want a partner. But that’s not the point. It is important that we are not deficient. “Are you just too demanding?” No. I am worth it
This is how you can parry single shaming:
“You are just too demanding!” – “Yes, and you just took one?”
“You have to hold on, you won’t get any younger either.” “How long have we been friends?”
“I don’t understand how someone so pretty can’t find a man.” “Must be my fucking character.”;)
“Don’t you want any children?” “I don’t need a relationship for that.”
Windmüller_Cover In your current book “Female, single, happy – do not seek: a polemic “ pleads Gunda Windmüller passionate about rethinking the image of the pitiful single woman. And it gives you courage: because life alone can be damn good.
“Female, single, happy – does not seek” was published by Rowohlt Verlag and costs 14.99 euros.