Hi there. Maybe we know each other. Have stood together at a party, exchanged a few words, probably about the weather. I have something to say about that. Too warm for the season. Overall too dry. That is enough for my counterpart to sigh knowingly, but not because of the weather, but because of me, and is relieved to find that the glass is empty: "I'll get something new for a moment, I'll be right back."
I am shockingly boring
And then I stand around. Shift my weight from left to right, look around, know that nobody will come back, join groups where it seems to be entertaining, try to connect with the content. Difficult. I never get in. What are they talking about? About nutrition trends. (Hey, I always take the 33, Thai curry with tofu!) About new destinations. (So me every year: St. Peter-Ording!) I can't contribute anything even to hairstyles. (Except: cutting tips every six weeks.) I find myself shockingly boring. That's why I prefer not to say anything in such situations, I look into my glass in amazement, yikes, it's already empty, and I go and get some supplies.
Next to the fridge are two people, of whom I know one. He first introduced himself to me: "Hello, I'm Matthias!" I already know that, because that's what he says to me about the eighth time because he just doesn't remember me. "We know each other," I replied at the beginning. Oh. Yes. Right. "How's it going, what's the job doing?" Matthias pokes in the gloom. I can't blame him, probably we had only talked about the weather before his drink was empty. In the end I just introduced myself to him again and again and noticed that the bell rang softly in the back of his head. Was there something? Hm. Well. No, probably not.
Experience the world more attentively
My sister, who is a sensational appearance and also a talented small talker, recommends that I internalize where I feel comfortable. I can best tell about that. I immediately think, oh god, from my sofa ?! I and the same pillows have been lying on it for years! And to report on the books that I read there, the titles and authors of which I cannot reproduce when it matters, whose actions I confuse – that does not lead to anything. Maybe people are with me like me with my books. I want to be more careful. Also towards people.
Sometimes I practice conversation culture with people who have to listen to me, who are not allowed to get a drink while I'm there: salesperson. "Is this also available in a different size?", "I'll give it to myself for my birthday", "So practical when traveling", "Do you have something like this at home?", "What would you combine it with?" … What an interested person I am – but not a person of interest! And what a chat bag! All the salespeople play my game, so I check out the checkout and proudly take a new dark blue blouson home, where I notice that I already have two very similar ones.
In fact, when I was sitting outside on the bench in front of the Asian snack bar, a friend of mine once said how wonderful she thought it was that we were still sitting together as we were 30 years ago, still negotiating the same subjects, "and it isn't your jacket from back then ?! " I looked up annoyed and said: "Oh look, there is rain coming up there." And then ordered the 33.