Anna Depenbusch: Interview with the musician

Barbara: Anna, the times are special and they are tough. For example, you canceled an entire tour because of the corona virus.

Anna: Nearly. I played the first concert in Fulda. And the next day bathed in mixed feelings: My new album entered the charts at number 28, which was huge for me because I released it on my one-woman label, in which all my heart and soul is invested.

And then?

A few hours later all subsequent gigs were canceled for known reasons. 30 concerts. A disaster because the record is financed exclusively through the tour.

Did you cry?

Not yet because I had no feeling for it at first. Flash frozen. I just worked, organized and made contingency plans. The big howl came later in the day when my crew and I realized that we weren't going to go any further. That opened the floodgates.

That is interesting. You could take it for yourself alone.

Right. But having to tell the others that their job was just canceled just knocked me out. How are you coping with the situation?

Oh. Most of my jobs have been canceled for me. But I am still in a luxury situation. And I have started many projects that I can live out at my home address.

For example?

Clean up the basement. That alone keeps me busy for four weeks. I do not suffer and I am not bored. In my private life I am extremely at home anyway. And you, are you good at following corona rule number one?

To stay at home? I'm good at this. In fact, that's part of my job too. I'm thirsty to find new topics, to discover the unknown, and I find that very often in myself – alone at home or at the piano in my studio.

Can you write at the push of a button?

Not necessarily. But I can let in inspiration at the push of a button. I call this creative on-call service.

How does it work?

It's like a blind date with the muse. And for that I have to be at the meeting point at the agreed time.

Is that when and where?

At nine in the morning at my piano. However, my date not infrequently lets me sit without a kiss. But I have to be there with my willingness.

Do you know by a quarter past nine whether something else will happen during the day?

No But around eleven. And then I just sit there for a day longer in front of my blank sheet of white paper.

I'm a little scared of white leaves. I think so often: Everything has already been said. But yesterday, for example, I was painting with my daughter and we were telling each other stories. That was fun!

Do you see! Go then!

And in my euphoria, I thought like this: I could actually do a children's book one day.

But?

Unfortunately, I'm not that good at drawing people. Furniture only.

Well, then you just paint eyes and mouths on the furniture and give them names and a story: Corinna, the dresser …

That's cool! Because such a chest of drawers also has feelings, and they want to be told! Corinna … I end up with Corona again: Isn't it exciting that we are all experiencing this reset? Usually you are alone with life changing feelings, or you may share them with people who are not going through them. But here it is clear: We all have a similar starting position, externally and emotionally.

And yet we get along with it differently. I don't know if you know that too, but I feel relationships with people like invisible threads. And there it attracts me very differently, and in this way I can very well determine: who needs me more, who do I not need to worry about? Or to whom do my longing strings pull?

I like how the topics have changed. In retrospect, I noticed how many of our conversations with friends used to be about status and business. It's all become much more personal now. Perhaps also because there is currently a vacancy there professionally.

But do you think that will stay with us when we are past zero hour?

Hm. Whether we will change sustainably in our relationships, readjust our values ​​in the long term … I have no idea. But I believe that I also reassess parts of my talents from scratch.

Which?

For example, I am a gifted suppressor.

I know. But I'm only halfway at it.

I can put a problem on the back burner until I've completely forgotten about it. That has been put into perspective in the past few weeks, I don't push so much away from myself anymore.

But I actually think that's a talent. It is good to open the emotional shutter wide to let everything in, otherwise there would be no songs or books. But you have to be able to close it again. You're good at that, aren't you?

Close the shutter again?

Let's say: be resilient. Be invulnerable. Getting a good side out of everything. My grandma always said: Nothing is so bad that there is not something good in it.

Do you think so too?

Total! If I fall into a puddle in a freshly washed white shirt, I get up and think: Great pattern.

That makes us sisters in spirit. But do you know what I miss sometimes

N / A?

I often don't feel anything. Something happens, and immediately my inner machine rattles and shows me a different, positive perspective – sadness, pain, euphoria, none of these very often reach me. I can not help it.

And that burdens you.

More than I would now admit. I'm a little jealous of people who emotionally wander the deepest valleys. In order to climb the greatest emotional peaks on the other hand. If you stay in this picture, I am stable on a slightly undulating back of the river.

Has it always been like this?

Once I had a real heartache. That fell at a time when I was very conscientious in keeping a diary. I read this one episode the other day and realized: How great, how productive it was, how exciting in its dramatic sadness. Much better than just writing: Everything is wonderful as it is. Because this is almost always my life.

OK. That is what sets us apart. I am such a hiker from deepest valleys, highest mountains, from a purely emotional point of view. But then my grandmother comes back into play: First of all, I can still make a good song out of any heartbreak drama I have suffered.

Indeed. When I think of "Command Downfall" …

Second, I also feel connected to others through pain. I know for sure: if something is really, really hurting, someone else is feeling the same thing right now – and maybe even worse. That comforts me.

There they are again, your invisible threads.

Yes. Pain, joy – everything gets better when you share it. But in a magical way no less either.

ANNA DEPENBUSCH is one of the greatest musicians this country has to offer. She used to sing in advertising jingles, composed calming soundtracks for MRI patients and synchronized roles in "Baywatch", since 2011 – after an appearance on "Inas Nacht" – she has been able to live from music. Her seventh album, "Realtime", was released in March, and the accompanying tour has been postponed until autumn. The 42-year-old from Hamburg has a weakness for ornithology and quantum physics. Really now.

STEPHAN BARTELS accompanied this conversation and really wrote a book called "Männergefühle".