Bad mother? Nonsense!
Why imperfect parents are better for children
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The fear of being a bad mother is great. All parents make mistakes – and that’s a good thing, as one psychologist explains.
Am i a bad mother Just about every new mom (and dad) should have caught themselves with this thought. After all, as a parent you not only get to know a completely new definition of joy – but also the fear of doing something wrong.
We secretly know that perfection is a myth. However, we suppress that when suddenly it is no longer just about our own, but that of another little person. When it comes to upbringing, we want to do our best. And fall even deeper when we make the first mistakes. When we don’t have time to cook and Ida only eats french fries. When the home looks like chaos again. When we yell at Ben even though we vowed never to be loud. Or if we forget both Ida and Ben in kindergarten.
Psychologist explains: imperfect parents are better for children
Hand on heart: things like that happen. Not only is that okay, it’s a good thing! Because the psychologist Dr Max Pemberton has now explained to the Daily Mail why imperfect parents are much better for children anyway.
For years, the psychologist has been observing desperate parents every day who visit his practice worried about failing in their upbringing. Above all, he then explains to them that the family is not a job: “There is no performance test, bonus or feedback – just a toddler throwing toast at you.”
Dr. Pemberton from the knowledge of his own childhood. Because his mother was a great mom – but not always perfect either. Much more, she even left him standing in the rain for three hours because she forgot to pick him up. However, that did not harm him; on the contrary, it actually made him more independent and resilient.
Why you are not a bad mother if you forget your child
“When parents are perfect, their child never has to mentally break away from them,” explains Dr. Pemberton in his column. This leads to the fact that in the course of their lives they will find it more difficult to adapt to adult life, and that they will suffer more often from mental health problems or anxiety states. In this respect, it is not only completely legitimate to make mistakes from time to time, but also positive for the child’s development.
“All parents have to do is create a loving and stable environment. Sometimes forgetting to make a sandwich because you messed up with Aunt Jeannie will be good for them in the long term,” summarizes the psychologist. Phew!
The perfect strategy? Give the best – and sometimes fail. Because the world will not end from there. And your child will be grateful to you for this knowledge later.