There isn't much worse than ending a relationship and then realizing it was a mistake. We therefore advise you to consciously ask yourself a question before you take this step.
Almost no one makes a separation easy. Especially when we have spent years in a relationship, it is usually difficult to decide to part ways and to let go of the hope for a common future with this person. But often enough staying together just doesn't make sense.
Real problems – or is it all just in my head?
Sometimes, however, it is not necessarily problems in our partnership, but rather our demands that make us doubt in the first place and make us so dissatisfied in our relationship that we see no other way out than to end it. Some of these claims are certainly justified and sensible – but others are also somewhat questionable.
For example, the author and science journalist Dr. Werner Bartens in his book "Praise of Long Love" points out how contradictory it is to wish for a long-term relationship on the one hand, but on the other hand to expect that this partnership will offer us constant variety and give us a variety of experiences to our Promote self-actualization (read our article "Self-Realization in Relationship" for more information). Another example is the feeling of being in love, which some couples still want after years in a relationship and are disappointed when it just doesn't want to come back – being in love and love cannot coexist, the former feeling is inevitably on the initial phase limited to a partnership.
In such cases, a breakup generally appears to be the solution to get what is missing in the relationship or to have a chance that unsatisfied claims are met, either from another partner or in the context of a single life. But if it then turns out that the demands that led to the relationship were unrealistic and unrealistic – well, then we have the salad.
Separation yes or no – this question is a must
In order to direct the focus of one's own thoughts in the decision-making process for or against a separation away from what we lack and which claims are unsatisfied, and towards what is actually going on in our relationship, the question helps:
- What would I miss in the event of a breakup?
To what extent does the partnership enrich our lives, which gaps would result from a separation? And when we have clarified that for ourselves, the question arises: What of it can only this person give us, with whom we are now together? If we find that the list isn't that long, breaking up is probably the right step. If, on the other hand, we suddenly think of a lot of things that we would miss, it may be worth fighting for the relationship (provided our partner is involved!).
Of course, the decision for or against a separation will not necessarily be made easier by this question, but it will certainly be more conscious and fair – both to ourselves and to our partner.