Christmas
You can do this against loneliness
Many people feel lonely at Christmas.
© Ilona Kozhevnikova/Shutterstock.com
For many people, Christmas is the celebration of solitude. A psychologist gives tips for people who spend the holidays alone.
Many older, but also younger people spend Christmas alone. And even in company one can feel lonely. dr Hanne Horvath, psychologist and co-founder of the online therapy platform HelloBetter, explains in an interview how to deal with loneliness at Christmas and still make the celebration a wonderful experience.
Especially at Christmas many people feel lonely. Why is that?
dr Hanne Horvath: According to a survey, around 2.4 million Germans spend Christmas alone every year. Are all these people lonely too? No, because loneliness is not the same as being alone, but a subjective experience that is uncomfortable and often painful. This means that some people feel less lonely than others and even within our own lives we feel more lonely in some phases of life than in others. At Christmas, this feeling of loneliness can arise in phases or increase the previous loneliness even more.
A richly decorated Christmas tree, under which the children play with the many new acquisitions, while the whole family sits together harmoniously – this image of Christmas is suggested to us in our childhood by traditional as well as modern media. In other words, Christmas is sometimes associated with heightened social expectations and societal pressures. However, when the reality is different, we can feel disappointed or lonely.
What is your advice to people who have to spend the holidays alone?
Horvath: Contrary to the common assumption that you just have to be among people, the feeling of loneliness is not linked to being alone. In other words, we can feel alone at Christmas even when we are with our families. Conversely, this also means that we don’t have to be lonely when we spend Christmas alone. Celebrating Christmas alone can also be a chance to attend to your own needs. The holidays can be used, for example, to get some rest at the end of the year and to take time for things that have been neglected over the course of the year, keyword self-care. This can be a hot bath, an exciting book or, for example, a walk in the snow.
If it is already clear that the holidays will be spent alone, we can become active in advance and get in touch with friends or acquaintances in good time. We can ask if a joint Christmas party is possible. This also applies in the opposite case. If we notice that someone close to us will be spending the Christmas days alone, we can invite this person of our own accord. Alternatively, churches and counseling centers are a helpful address, especially at Christmas, as is the telephone counseling service.
When does loneliness become a problem?
Horvath: For a short period of time, the feeling of loneliness is less of a concern and often arises in transitional situations, for example when people break up, move house or change jobs. However, if the feeling lasts for a longer period of several weeks or months and is accompanied by anxiety attacks or panic, for example, you should definitely react and seek therapeutic help.
Christmas is difficult for many, especially after the loss of a loved one. How can the celebration be beautiful despite sadness?
Horvath: After the loss of a loved one, this Christmas may be the first celebration without that person. In order to deal better with grief, it helps to maintain common traditions as well as to build new ones. For example, in memory of the loved one, we can light a candle or place a memorabilia prominently to feel close to the person. Mourning and happy Christmas days do not have to be mutually exclusive, but can exist in parallel. Mourning together with family members or friends and acquaintances can strengthen cohesion, convey a feeling of security and still make it possible to have a nice Christmas. It helps to get rid of the idea that grief and a successful Christmas are mutually exclusive. We should allow ourselves to give space to the emotions that are present.
Many also feel lonely in company. how come
Horvath: The feeling of loneliness primarily arises when we are not comfortable with our own feelings and thoughts. While society can help us deal with these uncomfortable thoughts and feelings, we need to feel comfortable with those around us. If this is not the case, i.e. we do not feel that we belong to the group of people or society, for example because we do not share their thoughts, then this can also lead to loneliness.