Legacy issues in the partnership
4 relationship packages that we all carry around with us
© G-Stock Studio / Shutterstock
Like it or not, every one of our relationships leaves a mark – and some have a profound effect on our subsequent partnerships. To name just four examples …
Everything we experience changes us. Often we do not even notice it, because in very few cases it is conscious decisions that initiate the changes. But ultimately, each of our experiences leaves traces in our character – whether we like it or not.
Basically that is one of our greatest strengths: That we can develop, mature, learn and adapt throughout our life. If due to our experiences – and above all: our reactions to them! – However, if behavior patterns and habits manifest that we are not really aware of, but unfortunately no longer appropriate in a new life situation, it can sometimes be difficult. For example in a partnership …
4 relationship packages that we all carry around with us
1, fear of loss – more or less …?
Most people are afraid of loss even before their first relationship – but only first after Many people associate a partnership and separation with concrete experiences. Depending on how we experience separation phases and separation pain, they can either worsen or lessen our fear of loss:
- If we suffer extremely from the relationship and do not process it sufficiently, the fear of loss often increases and may cause us to cling or become pathologically jealous in later partnerships.
- If, on the other hand, we find: “A breakup hurts, but you survive it”, this experience will probably leave us strengthened, liberated and more self-confident in a new relationship.
In this respect: Taking a moment to process what you have experienced is always the right choice …
2. The way we argue
Much of our strategies for dealing with arguments and conflicts surely came from our childhood. But our partnerships also shape our dispute habits, especially the first long relationships. Who z. B. was once with someone who immediately understood the insulted silence and took it as an opportunity to follow up, will very likely have to adjust if the new partner: is a person who thinks in such a situation: “If something does not suit her / him, she / he will tell you. I’d rather leave him / her alone … “
3. Skepticism
Many people who have had bad experiences in their relationships, ie have been betrayed, neglected or injured in any other way, also encounter their new partner: inside often at least initially with a (basically unfair) portion of skepticism. “Can I really trust him? Did I think of my ex …”, “When and how will he disappoint me …?”. Of course, it is difficult or impossible, after an injury that someone has caused you, to not to get suspicious. But what we should never forget: The new partner: in is not our: e Ex. And besides, this self-fulfilling prophecy may threaten …
4. Sexual standards
Nobody wants it, but we’ve all probably done it before: Compare previous sex partners with one another. The horrible thing about it is: Once we have been rehearsed with someone (which we hope will be the case after a long relationship!), Is that the standard for us – and when the newcomer suddenly does something else with his hands on our breasts, at first we can often just think: “Huh ?!” As long as this is clear to us and we can respond to our inner voice: “Stay cool and show him how to do it”, everything is okay. But when we lie in bed frustrated and – purely physically – mourn our ex, … not so cool!
Relationship packages are a chance to grow (together)
Regardless of whether it is sexual claims, fear of loss or just the phone number of the ex in the contacts, the nice thing about these relationship packages is: we all have them! And it is precisely this fact that can not only help us to be gentle and understanding with one another, but ideally also brings us closer together and connects – until we maybe even manage to get rid of all our ballast at some point …