When a child has a tantrum, parents are often helpless. An expert gives her advice and explains why he should not be punished.
What to do when your child throws a tantrum? The attitude to adopt is not always easy, especially when you find yourself in front of your grandparents, in a supermarket or in front of the school. But more than the embarrassing view of others on one’s education, one wonders what is best for one’s child. An expert has her opinion on the matter. She explains what not to do, and what to do…
ShouldStorm Parenting is omnipresent. This tendency to injunctions and criticism from parents can make you anxious and stressed. Here are 3 steps to get rid of it. But without imposing, we can seek to provide advice, and it is sometimes welcome. This is the case for the intervention of Dr Becky, an influential New York psychologist who offers very concrete tips to families. In the event of a crisis, she gives her clear opinion.
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Tantrums: good or bad for children?
In the podcast Move With Heart by Melissa Wood-Tepperberg, a health and wellness influencer, Dr Becky returned to the “tantrum”, outbursts of anger, children. When they are little, we teach them cleanliness (find 6 mistakes not to make), to walk, to eat, to interact… We try to pass on to them good values and good habits (discover 11 seemingly innocent phrases but that you absolutely should not tell them). But how to deal with sometimes spectacular crises?
Whether they throw themselves on the floor or bang their fists on the table, children can be impressive when they are angry. But for the psychologist, this is not a bad thing. On the contrary… “Throwing tantrums is healthy”, she declares. She even says: “children who never throw tantrums worry me more that children who throw big tantrums“. To explain her opinion, which may seem surprising, she returns to what a tantrum is: “He’s a kid who basically says ‘I want something, I don’t get it, and I still really know I want it.’“. She describes it as a “ball of desire”.
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Ask yourself where the anger comes from
Whether the child’s anger is provoked by an object or food that he is not allowed to have, any prohibition or even an expectation, it is a way of expressing his frustration. Dr. Becky recalls: “I think we know as adults that wanting something and not having it is one of the most difficult human experiences”.
She even specifies: “I think the biggest problem for most adult women is being completely removed from desire.”. According to her, “we don’t even know what we want anymore“. This may come from the fact that as a child, when you wanted something, it was not “practical” for our parent. And we were made to feel it.
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What to do when your child throws a tantrum?
But even if it’s a good thing for a child to feel angry, what should a parent do when faced with a crisis? For the expert, Above all, you must not do one thing: punish him. Because this amounts to making him equate anger with something bad. She regrets : “Many women learned this very early and became ‘good girls““.
The long-term goal is to make your child understand that he can want things but that he will not necessarily have them. It’s necessary teach him how to react when this happens to him. “Yes, it deeply depends on the limits”. A thought-provoking intervention…
Editor for Aufeminin since 2022, Charlotte is passionate about cinema, French and international, and a fortune reader. Curious about everything, she talks as much about personalities as…