Love or friendship ? If at all times, we have sought to distinguish these two feelings felt for others; they would be more similar than we imagine… At least that is what a scientific study says. It’s not for nothing that some people call friendship “platonic love”! We explain to you.
All fans of French variety know the song by Céline Dion entitled “Of love or friendship”. In this ballad released shortly before her participation in Eurovision, she sang at the top of her lungs about her deep love for a boy who, for his part, “seems to be hesitating between a love story or a friendship story”. Like the young Céline, many people who are secretly in love are tormented by the idea of knowing if there is reciprocity with their loved one, if the feelings are shared; or if it’s just friendship and that they went astray, blinded by their desire for the other to feel the same passionate love.
Well know that this confusion is not at all convoluted, quite the contrary. It even has a precise origin that science has identified. It is therefore normal that you confused love and friendshipsince it seems that these feelings are actually similar ! At least this is what a study relayed by our colleagues at Stylist UK.* Indeed, professor and anthropologist Aaron Sandel issues “the possibility that Romantic love in humans originated in friendships shared between apes of the same sex”**. In terms of human evolution, love would therefore be a feeling derived from friendship. The same goes for current relational dynamics: friendship is often led to evolve into passionate and shared love…
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Romantic love between humans derives from friendship between chimpanzees
According to Aaron Sandel, it is in the friendship relationship between monkeys of the same sex that we find the origins of the “couple type” love relationship between human beings. Indeed, “friendship” is the only relationship shared between unrelated adult monkeys, which is long-term and includes a real emotional connection. “Adult male chimpanzees of the species form bonds with monkeys of the same sex that last up to 13 years”**, details the researcher.
In addition to this longevity, this friendship actually exhibits emotional characteristics similar to romantic relationships between two emotionally connected people : “several indicators of emotional connection can be observed in relationships between male chimpanzees: reduced stress levelsspecific behaviors specific to interactions with this partner, (…) jealousy if a partner engages in grooming activities with monkeys outside the duo”says the anthropology professor.
Where the “love” relationship between monkeys of the opposite sex stops at its reproductive and sexual function, the “friendship” relationship between chimpanzees of the same sex has a strong emotional connection. But friendship between monkeys of the same sex is not the only origin of love among humans: according to the anthropologist, we would benefit from looking at our own friendships, the importance of which has also been underestimated …
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Friendship often leads to reciprocal love… and vice versa
Generally speaking, many romantic relationships begin as a friendly relationship before evolving into full-blown “romantic love”. Far from true love at first sight, it is therefore first friendship and complicity which bound the two romantic partners. They then developed strong feelings for their friend who had become “half”. In this sense, it is estimated that 2/3 of couples formed today began their story as simple friends.***
Psychology researchers Anthony Stinson, Jessica Cameron and Lisa Hoplock explain it this way: “Two people can become friends, develop deep intimacy based on friendship, and then begin to experience sexual desire at some point in the future. The scenario might suggest that such friendships are not not really platonic, and that hidden passionate desire is actually the real motivation behind such bonds. After all, about 30% to 60% of opposite-sex (presumed heterosexual) friends report experiencing at least moderate sexual attraction to each other. Empirical evidence clearly shows that intimacy based on friendship can precede and even nourish intimacy based on passion.”***
Friendship and love are feelings so close, so identical, that the first (far too often) leads to the second… and vice versa. According to these same researchers, true love, which includes the sexual dimension, can also transform into platonic friendship. It is thus common for a lover to whom one was madly in love and who shared our bed, finally become our best friend. Enough to prove people who don’t believe in male-female friendship right…
Freelance journalist
Open-minded and in love with life, Emilie likes to decipher the new phenomena that shape society and relationships today. Her passion for human beings motivates her to write…