Oskar Holzberg: Old love doesn’t rust?

Oskar Holzberg
Old love doesn’t rust?

In short: What does that mean please? Does “old” mean love years or years past?

And now in more detail: “Old love never rusts” is one of those sentences that most of us probably have stored on our internal hard drives. Simply because they exist. I have to admit, I had this one The proverb has so far been saved somewhere right next to “Weeds never go away”. And that was it. I understood it very vaguely like: Once love is old, it is indestructible. I didn’t give it any further thought. Otherwise it would have immediately irritated me. Because love is not a thing that rots away like an old VW Beetle. But of course it’s meant metaphorically – which only makes it more confusing. Because of all things, an “old” love shouldn’t “rust”.

Perhaps this wisdom itself has become rusty? And was it created long before the first handwritten divorce statistics? It blatantly contradicts what we have reluctantly accepted in recent years: that love is a misnomer. We promise each other stainless steel, but as soon as we leave the registry office, the rust begins. A few months and the paint is off. A few years and the lovers go through their relationships with rust spray and polishing cloth in order to experience a few glamorous moments together again. We even understand what leads to the ugly brown holes and layers: evolution’s nasty trick of luring us into relationships with a hormone shot. The inevitable relationship patterns in which we get on each other’s nerves. Our ideas of happiness, which then meet the tough compromises of living together in a three-room apartment. The fears of relationships that were already planted in us in childhood and are now blooming miraculously

Lived love always rusts

However, there is an old love that is protected from corrosion. As if it had stood the test of time like a vintage car in a protective garage: our old love that we meet again after years on the train, on Instagram or at the school reunion. Loves that feel like they were just yesterday. They often ended unsatisfactorily, remained unfulfilled, and were more of a crush than a reality. They are familiar, excitingly new and rust-free. On the contrary, after the experience of three life partners and two psychotherapies, we finally seem mature enough to say goodbye to rust forever – which of course turns out to be an illusion. Only unlived love doesn’t rust. Lived love always rusts and shows signs of wear. The rust attacks the weak points.

If we don’t ignore the rusty spots in our romantic relationships, but rather take care of them, then we make love last. Rust is also a protective layer, among which there are parts of old loves that have been around for years that will never rust. The high times of our love, which are everlasting. We can remember them when the good feelings threaten to be overgrown by rust.

And then there is the love of connection that has developed over the years. Which never pretended to be stainless steel, but is forged stainless in a complex process of trust and mutual respect. It’s not love that we think of first. But it’s the closest thing to old love that doesn’t rust.

Bridget