our advice to control naughty sms

Agree, naughty messages are real sexual preliminaries and allow to raise the temperature within the relationship. Only sometimes we don't know how to do it. Our advice for writing and exchanging sextos.

If we call naughty messages the sextos, it's for the contraction of "sex" and "texting". On paper, we love the idea, but in reality, our sexting practice sometimes leaves something to be desired. Every time it comes down to it, our fingers are left empty-handed and we send a "So, how are you, health?" " Pity. Finally, to this day, the last sext that we wrote, it was an "A very fast" which lost its "v". Our thumb has ripped, it happens.

In any case, between the lack of inspiration, the fear of looking silly or typing next to it, it goes without saying that writing and sending sexto is not always easy. No matter: send sexting is not mandatory, and when you want to integrate this practice at the heart of your sexuality, it sometimes takes time. That of finding the words, the tone … Because a sext is very personal (no need to copy to the neighbor). But how do you find your style and dare to take the first step? Thanks to an accessible user manual (like this one, of course) and concrete advice to discover this method of communication.

The role of sextos in the love exchange

First question: why send sexting, by the way? One thing is certain, they have the power to increase the temperature in the couple (or almost couple) at a distance, the concept of distance being relative: one can be at work and two hours from meeting, or even in two the House's rooms. Moreover, a study carried out in 2019 by the department of psychological sciences at Texas Tech University confirms: the objective of writings of a sexual nature is above all to boost excitement. But the authors of the study go further and tell us that if we send Naughty SMS, it is (also) by need to be reassured (if I write a pig text and you answer me, it is fine) or (worse) to request a favor from our partner afterwards ( if I send you a pig text message it is to better ask you to pick up the bread).

If the last reason is laudable and slightly manipulative, note that sending sextos to reassure yourself about your romantic relationship is not a bad thing. Sexting is not just about sex. They also speak – between the lines – of our love, our relationship, our bonding. And all means are good for communicating.

Sexting is when you want it and it's for everyone

Some people get into the game of sexting before even a first physical encounter, others at the start of the relationship, others still to spice up an already installed sex life or a daily routine. Obviously, sexting has no timing: you don't have to go on the first night, just like you don't have to wait for Valentine's Day. Ditto: sexting has nothing to do with the quality of our sex life. If they are likely to stimulate it, they are also welcome when everything is going well.

In addition, sexting is not just for teens, young people or singles chatting on dating apps. Even grandpa and grandma can have fun, and even our parents. The image is unpleasant, but it proves to us that sexting is part of everyone's intimate life. Likewise, men (or young boys) are no more likely than women (or young girls) to send a naughty sext. So many clichés and preconceived ideas: there is no law concerning sexting, if it is not the desire (we do not force ourselves) and consent between the partners. In this little game, everyone can grab their phone and participate.

Sextos are not always vulgar (sometimes we talk about love)

No matter the age (of the protagonists, the couple or the phones), sexual exchanges are welcome and the degree of eroticism is completely free. Because here too, we are on the wrong track: naughty texts are not always vulgar or imbued with porn vocabulary. Love words and flaming poems also work. We can do anything to send a super declaration to our partner or remind him (if you need examples) of a torrid moment while avoiding crude terms. Metaphors are in full swing and absolutely do not prevent sexy allusions (do you remember when, hanging from your branch, I crunched the fruits?).

Obviously, the content of the sextos remains specific to each couple. We can share the bottom of our thoughts or a fantasy. We can come back to a memory and tell a naughty report, or project our desire. We can write in prose or try a few rhymes, which, in our case, would give: do you remember when, coiled against your chest, I deflowered the bark?

Sextos, it installs smoothly

Sometimes the first sext settles very naturally, sometimes we search for words. When that’s the case, it doesn’t mean that naughty text messages and us, that’s twenty. The main thing, when you want to try it, is to try it out. No need to send an ultra-pig message on the first evening; we start with a "I miss you" or "I want you". It is simple (because it is not abrupt and we are not there to abrupt, neither the other, nor ourselves) and effective (the other understands the message and according to his response, we understand if the way is clear). We wouldn't want to end up in PLS (as the teenagers say) for a little awkward texting.

When you don't dare to get started, you can always reach out and send signals. A little text like "Guess what I'm doing" can be very enlightening. If the person opposite says "Cookies?" ", You may feel like you are failing, but that may be her way of playing (or confiding that at the moment, she wants cookies more than she wants sex). Do not be discouraged, dare the game of "hot or cold". Tell him he's freezing. Conversely, if he says "You take a bath", tell him that he is burning. Little by little, the conversation could take on the air of sexting and excite each other.

Sexting with emojis is good too

Insert emojis in sexting, that's a solution when you can't find the words. We obviously know eggplant and apricot, rather explicit, unless you come back from the market. In any case, smartphones and instant messengers are full of emojis that can be diverted to be understood. Ideas ? Examples include flames, panties, duck (for vibrating duck), or carrot or droplets. Depending on the context and the second degree that we want to abuse, everything is possible.

For the more experienced, we can also create whole sentences in emoji. If we put a man, then an eggplant, then panties, then a gale, then droplets, then a burger, all that means: "Me, Jean-Pierre, man with a penis, I dream take off your panties and get pleasure, then when we're done, I would not be against a little Mc Do ”. And the other way around? A woman, an apricot, a flame, a clock and a carrot: I, a woman with a vulva, I really want you to join me, and if you delay too long, I will catch a carrot. Here, you understood the principle. Then, from there to arouse your partner, it's another thing: emojis allow you to reveal yourself gently (if you put two men or two women, we will understand your suggestion of a threesome, for example), to bring a touch of humor and set the stage before getting down to business.

Sex toys with photos, the upper level?

We can absolutely add photos to our naughty texts, just to converse in pictures. In general, we talk about nudes (because in general, we do not send a photo of ourselves in a polar cap, but rather sexy or suggestive pictures of certain parts of our body). Sexy photos can be a source of excitement and desire, when they're not super pixelated and don't look like a nasty surprise. Again, when you choose to send this kind of content, consent is required. Add a photo to her naughty sexto, it is yes provided that the two partners want it, and provided, also, to know the person well at the end of the telephone, finally of the screen.

To go further and spice up his sex life, some will choose the practice of virtual sex on video, or how to enjoy some animated images. By then, the SMS will have played the game of preliminaries and will bridge the distance when it is not always passable. Suffice to say, sexual pleasure does not formalize. Whatever the media we use and the mode of communication that attracts us, the main thing is to have fun.

Instagram accounts for inspiration, writing love and sex:

  • The essential: Solitary Love

See also: our guide to "dirty talk", naughty words in bed!

Video by Clara Poudevigne