People develop differently and with some people we grow away from them rather than grow with them. Five characteristics by which you can recognize such a development.
Sometimes it’s therapies or healing processes that we’ve gone through, sometimes it’s drastic experiences, sometimes it’s developments that we can’t exactly name or pinpoint to specific events – occasionally we experience a personal, individual growth spurt in our lives. Such a surge usually means that many things that we have lived with for a long time and have gotten along with well suddenly no longer suit us: certain goals, for example, or priorities or hobbies. Or people. After all, they didn’t make that push, although perhaps a different one.
The following characteristics may be indicators that we have grown apart in a relationship rather than together. However, how we deal with it and what it means for the respective relationship is not necessarily clear from pure observation.
5 signs you’ve outgrown someone in your life
1. He maintains habits or values that you have discarded
When we change one of our behavior or thought patterns or adjust a belief, it is usually a big thing for our personal development, because such a change does not just happen. It requires insight, a conscious decision as well as energy, willpower and patience. We will only take all of this if this step is important and right for us and helps us move forward.
If we are in a relationship with a person who continues to live according to a pattern or belief that we have overcome and who may not question this way of life, our step forward can open a large gap between us and, moreover, the relationship can become a burden for us It is easy to fall back into old patterns, even if we consider them to be unhealthy. And the danger is often even greater when someone close to us continues to model these patterns for us.
2. He sees you in a role that you no longer want to fulfill
If a person has certain expectations of us that may have been justified in the past but are no longer so today, this suggests that this person cannot or does not want to see that we have changed – because perhaps they themselves have not grown with us. So it may be that he avoids topics or treats us carefully when we are now more resistant and resilient. Or that he assumes that he doesn’t have to ask us whether we have an opinion that we want to represent.
Especially in family relationships, it often happens that people continue to assign us a role that no longer suits us. But it can also be the case in friendships, relationships or professional environments, especially if we have experienced significant growth.
3. You have more memories in common than current similarities
If we can reminisce extensively with a person, but we falter every time we try to talk about current interests or experiences, this suggests that we have grown apart at some point. The past may still connect us and perhaps mean a lot to us, but in the present we cannot build on it and may hold each other back.
Such relationships in particular are often difficult for us to reclassify and to assign to them less meaning and space than we are used to. But in doing so, we are not devaluing the past – we are simply enhancing the present. Furthermore, we cannot know what the future will bring. Why shouldn’t we be able to grow together again if we’ve already grown apart?
4. You feel impatient and bored around him
Unless we are extremely hectic people who always have something on our minds, impatience and boredom are usually a sign that we feel held back, slowed down and not challenged and stimulated enough. If we have these feelings in the presence of a person in whose company they did not occur before, we have probably developed differently from that person and have moved away from him. If this is the case, it probably won’t help if we practice patience or learn to tolerate boredom – although we may well decide that the relationship is at least worth the attempt.
5. You are hesitant to share your successes and moments of happiness with her
When we hesitate to share things with a person that we are happy and proud of, it is usually for one of two reasons: we are afraid that the person will envy us or we are afraid that they will not understand what value our success has for us. The second case in particular occurs when we have a close relationship with this person, which may have become looser in the meantime: Because with a (former) confidant, it hurts us particularly when they don’t understand what we are proud of and what we are proud of we are happy.
Mind you, we can be wrong, and the mere fear of disappointment doesn’t have to make us give up on or down-prioritize a relationship without at least trying out whether the fear is justified. But if we discover that there was something in our feeling, it will do us good to draw conclusions from it – because people who devalue what is important to us usually cost us more than they give us.
Sources used: psychologytoday.com, scienceofpeople.com, hackspirit.com