Living authentically means acting and making decisions in accordance with your own values and abilities, and is a prerequisite for satisfaction and health – but unfortunately it is not that easy. You can read here how we can try to practice.
The term authentic comes from the Greek (authentikós) and means in the original sense real. When it comes to people, by authentic we usually mean something like undisguised, honest, and natural. A person who is authentic is himself and does not matter. She lives in accordance with her own, individual values, principles and priorities and follows her own feelings and goals. We usually find people who we perceive to be authentic as personable and pleasant or as particularly respectable.
According to the psychologist Sebastian Salicru, a lack of authenticity can lead to depression and unstable self-esteem. In Psychology Today magazine, he writes: “When people do not feel authentic, they experience depression and low self-esteem. This is because a lack of authenticity leads individuals to become over-conformed or conformed and about unnatural or forced behavior strive to make them feel worthless and unfulfilled. ” In one sentence: not being authentic feels bad in the long run. Unfortunately, living authentically is actually not as easy as we might think.
What is preventing us from being authentic?
First of all, it starts with the fact that, as children, we are usually taught to adapt and fit in rather than questioning and trying out new paths or ideas. We should be quiet and clean, good and humble, inconspicuous and comfortable for others. In addition, numerous values and traditions are exemplified for us and conveyed as inviolable, which we accept childlike and uncritically without even realizing it: At Christmas you give each other gifts and ideally snow falls, you go to school as far as possible to the highest degree, a partnership is always part of a partnership two people and exclusivity. Certain skills are considered particularly valuable in our society (IT skills, intelligence, commas), while others are neglected (humor, caring, honesty). We tend to be equipped with a fixed set of values, principles and priorities that we may be so eager to forget to question, individualize, supplement, update and adapt.
Then there is an added complication: To stand by your own convictions, if we know them and have dealt with them, especially if they deviate from the mainstream, requires a lot of courage and self-confidence. Because to be rejected or excluded – as our real self – is a terrible experience and therefore understandably frightened.
But if authenticity is important and meaningful from a psychological point of view, it might be good to jump over our shadow – just how do we become more authentic? Sebastian Salicru suggests the following exercises for this.
7 exercises will help you to become more authentic
1. Strive to be yourself – instead of being popular
It’s not that obvious, but in everyday life we often make a lot of small decisions with a view to arriving well with our fellow human beings or to be there in front of them. We take on tasks that we are not convinced of, smile when we feel bad, agree when we really don’t mean it. In moderation, that’s okay and natural: We want to be liked and integrated, there’s nothing wrong with that. However, in order to become more authentic, we can try to trust ourselves more often to do what corresponds to us and our convictions, regardless of how it is received. In fact, in most cases we are far less offensive to others than we fear.
2. Try to know what you are feeling
In order to be able to live authentically, we first have to know who we are. For this it is essential to pay attention to what is going on in us, what we feel, think, how we perceive and evaluate situations.
3. Notice the need to do what others ask you to do
Sometimes (or often) it is in our interests and necessary for us to adapt and meet other people’s expectations. For example, if we go to the Christmas party, we should also take part in the elves, even if we think it’s stupid, because otherwise we will spoil everyone’s fun – and ourselves if in doubt, too. Paying attention to and recognizing when we act out of necessity against our individual convictions helps us to identify, delimit and classify ourselves and at least make us feel more authentic – even though, strictly speaking, we act for the sake of others.
4. Make a conscious decision whether to do what others tell you or expect you to do – but don’t do it automatically
When we see a need to meet other expectations, we can confidently do it and still feel authentic. The same applies if we consciously decide to do so – for example because we expect an advantage from it that is personally important to us, because the matter is too unimportant to us to make an effort, or for whatever reason. As long as we know why we are doing what we are doing and are acting out of our own motives, we can adapt or submit to others without betraying ourselves.
5. Don’t let other people’s opinions influence you
Is beige ugly? Christmas trees are beautiful? Do you have to see Paris? And since that is the majority opinion, your beloved beige sweater always stays in the closet, annoyed you fill up your apartment every year and book a trip to Paris even though you want to go to the sea? The fact that we are influenced by the opinions of others and let things spoil or gloss over us happens more often than we are aware. But if you want to be authentic, you don’t care about other people’s opinions – and celebrate Christmas without a tree in a beige sweater or perhaps under palm trees by the sea.
6. Stand by what you believe in
The ultimate exercise of authenticity is to openly communicate your own convictions to other people and to stand by them even when there is a headwind. That doesn’t mean that we should never rethink our position – if everyone perceives something differently than we do, this can sometimes be an indication that we are overlooking certain aspects. But when we have decided on an attitude after a long process and are convinced that it is right for us, we do not need to keep it to ourselves, but are allowed to communicate it to the outside world. Probably some will even respect us for it or we will inspire them.
7. Live according to your values and beliefs
What is particularly important to you personally? Success? Luxury? Family? Freedom? Stability? Bless you? Friend: inside? Creativity? Sun? Beauty? Ideally, we know or try to find out what something means to us and orientate ourselves accordingly, that is, we base our lives and our decisions on it. Sounds almost simple – but it’s not. Otherwise everyone would have done it long ago.
Source used: psychologytoday.com