psychology
7 signs you are manipulating other people
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You would never manipulate other people? Very decent. But are you sure about that?
It is important to many people that they make their decisions of their own free will and act of their own accord. That’s why manipulation is a no go for most people who want to have good intentions with those around them and stick to the categorical imperative. Manipulation is something to be wary of, afraid of, dismayed at realizing it has happened to you or others. For many, manipulation is in the same corner as gaslighting, emotional blackmail, fraud and co.: where all the lousy numbers are listed that bad people like narcissists, psychopaths and similar lost souls pull off with others. However, the fact that some people actually manipulate others without consciously noticing it or recognizing it as such and without pursuing any bad intentions is often forgotten in this rigorous division of good and bad.
Is there only bad manipulation?
The concept that we associate with the term manipulation is mostly characterized by examples that actually make it seem reprehensible. Let’s think about manipulation through advertising: people are influenced to buy something that they don’t really need, which may even make their life worse – junk food or something. While we can go on discussing the extent to which a functioning economy ultimately benefits each and every person, in this case the issue is how a few self-interested savvy PR people may be enticing consumers to spend their hard-earned cash on junk food that neither satisfies nor makes them happy. The manipulation benefits the PR people and their customers and harms the consumers. But what if the advertised product is not junk food, but a great cooking box with fresh, regional ingredients that consumers are happy about every week and that helps them to eat healthily and sustainably ? Isn’t it manipulation then? Or isn’t there also a good manipulation that benefits all sides?
manipulation in everyday life
In everyday life we very often have to persuade people to do something that they would not do without our influence: our children to eat their vegetables, our best friend to break up with her possessive partner, our dream employer to hire us. In such situations, don’t we most often use some form of manipulation to achieve our goal? In fact, manipulation in the literal sense means, first of all, only handle (from Latin man for hand and more for fill). A person can control and direct something (or another person). In the social or psychological context, there are additional elements of meaning that this steering does not happen obviously and that the manipulative person is pursuing their own interests. But pursuing your own interests does not automatically mean harming others. Finally, the well-being of others can also be in our interest. Or her success. So what about our best friend and her possessive partner? Or with our children and their vegetables?
You may not always be aware of it, but it is quite possible that you have manipulated people at times or even do it more often. Do any of the following statements apply to you? They could be clues that you’re at least good at manipulation.
7 signs that you are good at manipulating other people
- You often get what you want without having to argue or fight for it
- You’d rather nudge people with hints and let them make up their own minds than say it outright
- Others often act on your behalf, even though you don’t openly ask them to
- Sometimes you do favors for others to get something good from them
- You get on well with people you want something from, even if you don’t like them
- People confide in you without you having to probe or ask because you make them feel like they want to confide in you
- Others don’t usually stay angry with you for long, even if you disappoint them
It is important to many people that they make their decisions of their own free will and act of their own accord. But when are we ever truly free and isolated from outside influences? Doesn’t knowing what other people find right or beautiful already manipulate us? Which political stance goes down badly in a job interview and which goes well with the in-laws? Aren’t we grateful when our therapist asks the right questions and manipulates us to expose our toxic thought patterns? Not that manipulation is anything noble or harmless. But putting them in the corner of evil and not thinking about it further is just as problematic as putting narcissists or psychopaths in that corner. Almost everything has two or more sides. And if we open any corners, we are mostly without realizing it, even with one of our many sides right in the middle.
Sources used: mindbodygreen.com, psychologys.co.uk