Opening up to other people and revealing intimate things takes effort – so it’s worth it. Do it, says therapist Andrea vorm Walde. And in several ways.
Comedian Kurt Krömer writes a book about his depression. Tennis player Naomi Osaka withdraws from the French Open for psychological reasons. Singer Demi Lovato speaks publicly about her eating disorder. The list could go on, but let’s just say: openness is the trend. Numerous stars and celebrities are now admitting to problems that no one talked about a few years ago. That you were ashamed of, that you kept secret so as not to be labeled or ruin your (professional) opportunities.
A positive trend, says therapist Andrea vorm Walde. “When people who are in the public eye and act as role models for many people openly deal with these supposedly taboo topics, it encourages us to open up more, even in small ways,” she says. That, in turn, is good – because it usually benefits us to share ourselves with someone.
7 magical things that happen when we open up
discharge
“As soon as we share something with another person that has perhaps been bothering us alone for a while, we feel relieved,” says Andrea vorm Walde. Often we even feel the relief physically, notice how stress and anxiety fall away from us and how we relax. This is not just pleasant, but good for our health.
binding
“Entrusting ourselves to a person creates closeness and strengthens our bond with that person,” says the therapist. By sharing something intimate with another person, we nurture and deepen our relationship with that person. We show her our trust and respect. As a rule, this means that the other person’s trust in us increases and they share things with us that they usually don’t find easy to talk about.
Change of perspective
“When we communicate with another person, we get feedback on what concerns us,” says Andrea vorm Walde. “It allows us to take a new perspective and look at things differently.” In the very act of telling the story we gain distance from what it is about. We organize it with our words and in this way gain clarity about our own point of view. In addition, we find out how our counterpart perceives things – even if it’s just through the way they react. Most of the time, a change in perspective helps and enriches us, allows us to put things into perspective and allows us to look at our supposed dramas in a more relaxed manner.
Help
Almost a bit banal, but it’s too important to ignore: We can only get help if we open up to someone and let them know. And hardly anyone knows that better than Andrea vorm Walde. “In my job, I rely on people to be honest with me,” says the therapist. Whether doctors, friends, family, colleagues or partners, none of them can help us if we do not disclose how we are feeling and what is bothering us. In most cases, some of them could – and many would want to.
Understanding
Whether it’s problems that we tell someone about, unpleasant feelings that we openly communicate or show, or episodes from our past that have shaped us and that we let those around us know about – all of this helps other people to relate to us understand how to adapt to us and treat us sensitively and appropriately. Openness makes it easier to interact with one another in a considerate and peaceful manner; as a rule, we do ourselves and those around us a great favor.
Personal growth
Every time we bring ourselves to open up and share, we grow and evolve. We learn that it is worth jumping over our shadows and that we will not be judged, but respected and liked if we reveal ourselves and stand up for ourselves. In addition, it is often easier for us to let something go and move forward after we have talked about it and shared it with others.
Joint further development
“Openness can bring us significant progress in our relationships,” says Andrea vorm Walde, “sometimes it is even essential.” Especially in very intimate relationships such as friendships or a partnership, we can only resolve many conflicts by speaking openly and honestly to each other and also discussing unpleasant things. In most cases, this action moves us forward in the relationship together and makes us a stronger team.
Is there too much openness?
The points mentioned are good arguments for daring to be more open, and a large majority of our society is also of this opinion: According to a BRIGITTE survey, around 78 percent of Germans consider it important that we deal openly with personal and intimate topics, and around 75 percent like openness. But despite all the enthusiasm, it also makes sense to set limits and accept them, especially your own. “Everyone can and must decide for themselves what they want to share with whom and what is good for them to keep to themselves,” says Andrea vorm Walde.
Although it is beneficial to break taboos and become more open in many, many areas – for example mental health, menstruation, finances, sex – there are not only culturally determined and questionable reasons why it is sometimes not easy for us, to open us up. Our caution and concerns are partly justified and protect us. After all, we cannot trust every person who comes into our lives, and certain hierarchies and dependencies in our society make it impossible for us to always express our opinions openly and honestly or to reveal our dreams and fantasies. And some people feel overwhelmed and put under pressure by too much openness – not everyone wants to know everything.
In this respect, openness is like most beautiful things: to a certain extent it is wonderful and magical, but if we overdo it, it loses its magic and can even cause harm. At least we are currently still a long way from this point.
Andrea in front of the forest is a therapist, coach and alternative practitioner for psychotherapy. She looks after her clients in a Hamburg practice and online. You can also find tips from her regularly on her blog andreavormwalde.de