Couples therapist reveals: This is how you find out whether your partner really suits you
Common hobbies? Good sex Rather incidental to the question of whether two people belong together or not. Couples therapist Eric Hegmann explains what really matters.
You get to know each other, fall in love, get closer and hey presto: suddenly you’re in a relationship! Usually it just happens. Things are developing without us asking too much whether we really fit together – Or whether we may invest our time, love and energy in a relationship that is ultimately doomed to break up.
However, we usually ask ourselves as soon as it gets difficult. As soon as the relationship phases characterized by happiness hormones are over and we notice that there are not fair compromises for all conflicts. But how do we find an answer to this? Is it at all correct to assume that some people do not fit together?? Or could theoretically everyone be happy together if they treat each other respectfully, communicate well with each other, are self-confident and do everything else well?
We have couples therapist Eric Hegmann asked whether we can recognize that the person by our side is the right one for us. And whether it is worth working on our relationship, or perhaps it would make more sense to end it. His answer: yes – with the help of these six questions.
Couples therapist reveals: This is how you find out whether your partner is a good match for you
1. What has changed?
If you suddenly wonder if your sweetheart is right for you, something has probably changed – and the crucial question is what. Hegmann: “Are the changes external influences such as a new job, conflicts with family or friends, questions about the meaning of the loss of a loved one? Or do you see the changes more in yourself or in him?” In the event of external changes, you should only continue to question your relationship if your partner has not given you adequate support (see below). You should investigate changes within your partnership further: What are the causes? How do they affect your feelings? Can / do you want to live with it? If you’re serious, it’s best to talk to your partner about it!
2. What do you love about him?
It is important that you understand what you are really connects with your partner. “Many people can only love if they feel loved “, explains Hegmann. If you are with your partner only because he obviously loves you, you may love less him than the feeling of being loved. On the other hand, if you fear that you love him more than he loves you, the main thing that makes you doubt yourself is your fear. Therefore there is no getting around it: Find out what you love about your sweetheart.
3. Does your partner encourage you in your life?
More precisely: Does your partner give you praise and recognition? Does he support you? Does he give you gifts? Is your need for intimacy fulfilled? And: Is he your best friend too? ” If you can largely answer these questions from the therapist with yes, you definitely don’t have the worst person by your side! 😉
4. Did your partner help you through difficult times?
If you’ve been together for a long time, this question will definitely help you. Hegmann explains: “Care is one of the 5 languages of love. Helpfulness, mutual support and recognition – without constantly weighing whether the effort is worthwhile and whether you get as much back as you invested – belong non-negotiable to love it. “You know (from experience) that your sweetheart won’t let you down? Sounds difficult like a good one!
5. Has your partner left you alone during difficult times?
He has? Bad sign! Hegmann: “To feel helpless and lonely in a relationship is terrible. But loneliness is not only painful – it also freezes emotions. It destroys trust in the partner when he turns away instead of turning away and prefers to have fun , while you don’t know what to do yourself because you don’t want to endure the misery. Who needs a relationship that is only lost in beautiful words and declarations of intent? “
6. Has your partner brought you through difficult times?
Sure, in good and bad times and together through thick and thin. But the therapist points out: “On the one hand, everyone bears responsibility for himself – on the other hand, everyone also bears responsibility for the mutual relationship. Each decision must not only be weighed up whether it is good for you, but also whether it might harm your partnership. Behaviors that get you into trouble are also often doing nothing and waiting. If you sit out problems instead of tackling them, you actually just wait until it gets really bad for everyone. For example, when a partner incurs debts on their own initiative, for which both must be liable. Abuse of alcohol or other substances are also harbingers of major problems. Some people do not want to be helped and cannot be saved either – at least not without external help. “
Still not sure if your relationship is really right? Maybe that would be Online course “To go or stay?” by Eric Hegmann the right thing for you ?! Or take a look at ours Community and exchange ideas there with people who may be asking exactly the same questions as you …