Sleep Expert: If these points apply, you should sleep in separate beds

Sleep expert advises
If these points apply, you’d better sleep in separate beds

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For many there is nothing better than falling asleep next to your partner. But if we realize that this makes it harder for us to rest, a “sleep divorce” could be the solution. A sleep expert reveals what it’s all about, when it makes sense, and how best to do it.

We all sleep differently: while some need background noise to fall asleep, others need complete silence. But our bedmates also influence the quality of our sleep: if we sleep in the same bed with another person, it can happen that our partner has a different sleeping behavior. So what do you do if this differs so much that in the end both sleep badly? This is where it can help if both parties decide to sleep apart every night, sleep expert Shelby Harris told CNBC. Contrary to the common assumption that couples who sleep separately cause problems in their relationship, in most cases it can actually do you good.

Do you need a sleep divorce?

To find out if you and your partner need a “sleep divorce,” you can observe how much you interfere with each other’s sleep. Incidentally, according to the “German Society for Sleep Research and Sleep Medicine eV”, women often sleep worse than men – even if it’s because they go through their list of care work at night. But because good sleep is important for both parties, Shelby Harris recommends paying attention to the following factors:

1. Do you have very different sleep patterns?
If your partner is more nocturnal, while you prefer to get up early or you work at different times, alarm clocks or other noises can disturb the other person’s sleep.

2. Do you sleep differently?

Here, too, an alarm clock or light in particular can cause the person who is a light sleeper to wake up quickly and feel that they have not had enough sleep the next day.

3. Does the sleep behavior of the other person already affect you?

One topic that many couples may be familiar with is snoring. While one person doesn’t notice anything, the other person hardly gets a wink. Movement or talking in our sleep are also often a reason why we don’t feel properly rested in the morning.

4. Do you have different preferences in your sleep routine?

As already mentioned, sleeping habits such as temperature, hardness of the mattress and brightness can differ from each other. With such individual factors, it is not at all surprising if your preferences differ widely.

Of course, the above points are not directly a reason to change bedrooms and buy a second bed. Many of these things can also be solved with small compromises: For example, Harris recommends vibrating pillows or bracelets as silent alarm clocks. Dimmed light can also compensate for problems such as different daily and sleeping rhythms.

Snoring or other sleeping behaviors can be examined by a doctor and both help you to sleep more peacefully and rule out health triggers. If these measures do not help you either, sleeping separately could be an option for you.

And here’s the all-clear: Many couples are also concerned about the impact separate bedrooms could have on their intimacy. The sleep divorce could even bring a breath of fresh air into your love life if you “meet” in a bed for it. And of course each couple can find out for themselves how often and where they spend their nights apart. Ultimately, a good sleep solution can actually be very liberating for both parties — and take extra stress out of the relationship. Spouses have even reported on “Whisper” that they saved their relationship this way…

Sources used:,, German Society for Sleep Research and Sleep Medicine eV


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