Distance ourselves from a situation that affects us, impacts us, stop being in permanent control, manage (finally) to let go, and make our brain adopt new automatisms, this is what Christophe Bourgois proposes -Costantini, life coach, with his self-coaching techniques. As he explains, the resources are within you! With practice and the right techniques, you can “unlock your potential”. Here are six ways to take care of yourself. To adopt on a daily basis, or simply whenever you feel the need.
To manage a conflict: the three chairs
It’s for me though…I need to take a step back from a situation that is affecting me emotionally.
1. Set up three chairs, close to each other. Cut out three pieces of paper and write: “Me“, “observer” And the person’s first name which is causing you problems. Place one on each of the three chairs.
2. Sit on the “me” chairlook at the chair symbolizing the person and express out loud what you blame them for, your feelings.
3. Sit in the person’s chair who is causing you problems and express out loud and honestly what you think their feelings are.
4. Sit in the observer’s chair : summarize, always out loud, the discussions you have had and formulate one or more pieces of advice.
5. Return to your chair, receive the observer’s advice(s) again and rephrase them.
To do for 20 minutes.
The coach’s opinion: “This is a great exercise to step back from an emotional relationship and develop your empathy. You can also do this work in the case of self-criticism.”
Morning pages
Write down every morning, on a sheet of paper or on your smartphone, all the thoughts that go through your head (two handwritten pages, intended for yourself). Don’t look for consistency, empty your bag as it were.
To find calm: the elevator with interior light
It’s for me though… I’m stressed, I feel like I’m not comfortable.
1. Cut off any source of potential noise beforehand. Standing with your arms and shoulders relaxed, loosen your belt if necessary. Breathe normally for a few minutes. Then close your eyes for the rest of the exercise.
2. Visualize a soft light like a ray or blade. It is located in your head, at the level of your eyes. Imagine her gentle, caring, spiritual.
3. Always breathe regularly, then gradually bring this light down into your mouth, throat, neck, shoulders, top of your lungs, then lower and lower towards the diaphragm.
4. You can accompany this moment of descent with your hand horizontally.
5. If you see a blockage, welcome it. Do not insist and stay for a few minutes at the blockage level. At the end of the session, open your eyes.
To do for 15 minutes.
The coach’s opinion: “Thanks to this visualization, we connect to our body and we are more relaxed, both physically and mentally.“
To stop a flow of thoughts: the trâtaka candle
It’s for me though… I am looping on a subject, or thata parasitic idea pollutes me.
1. Light a candle and place it in a fixed place, at eye level. Make it dark and avoid any source of wind.
2. Sit about twenty centimeters from the flame and stare at it for as long as possible, without blinking. It is very important to focus on the same point, because your gaze will tend to oscillate. If your eyes water, let it be.
3. Close your eyelids: you will visualize an orange color inside your forehead, between the eyes. Focus on it for as long as you can, always keeping your eyes closed. 4. When this flame disappears, open your eyes and contemplate the flame again. You will then observe after a certain time that you arrive at an inner silence, cleansed of all mental pollution.
To do for 15 minutes.
The coach’s opinion: “This exercise is ideal for stabilizing an agitated mind, promote concentration, balance the emotional and find appeasement.“
The nugget, the stone and the Swiss army knife
To do at the end of each day. Take 5 minutes and think about these 3 things. The nugget that you retained: a positive feelinga mark of gratitude, a meeting, congratulations, etc. The stone in the shoe : something that has you embarrassed, disturbed. The Swiss Army knife : something useful that you used, that you understood, put into practice. Keep the first and third elements in mind, analyze how you could have avoided the second and try not to repeat this situation.
To make a decision: 10-10-10
It’s for me though… I need solve a problem, or if I am faced with a dilemma. Also called the “three 10 rule,” this method was developed by journalist Suzy Welch. The former editor-in-chief of the Harvard Business Review developed it in her book 10-10-10. It’s very useful for making complicated decisions without getting too caught up in the immediacy of things – which you may have a tendency to do.
Whenever you need to solve a problem or make a decision, ask yourself: “What will I think about it in 10 minutes, 10 months, 10 years?“
To do for 5 minutes.
The coach’s opinion: “What you feel in the moment is sometimes intense, but putting it into perspective allows you to detach yourself from this “time of exaltation”. For example, don’t immediately send emails that you wrote on impulse.“
Choose the technique according to each individual
“The brain works like a computer: it likes “simple input”, it works 24 hours a day. When you try to educate it, it does. So there is no reason why coaching should not work for you. However, you should not hesitate to try several exercises, because it is up to the technique to adapt to the individual, and not the other way around. You will always find a method that suits you and does you good! “
Thanks to Christophe Bourgois-Costantini, Life Coach, bourgoiscostantini.com
In this practical book, find many other techniques to discover who you really are, manage to (finally) let go, communicate better, optimize your concentration or even better manage your time.
Read also :
⋙ I have stray thoughts: 6 natural solutions against mental rumination
⋙ Stress, mental load: 5 really effective tips for disconnecting
⋙ Brain waves: how to balance them to improve our mental performance and well-being